(Author's note: These diaries are long blogs. You may find them entertaining, scratch that you WILL find them entertaining. Do yourself a favor and print it out for the next bathroom trip. Good reading.)
So here we are on the day of arguably the most important Flyers game in my 26 years and 11 months (to the day, only 12 shopping days left folks!!!!) Our beloved Orange and Black have the chance to go up 3-1 on the hated Montreal Canadiens. I used to hate the Rangers and Devils and dislike all other teams. In the last two years, the list has grown to include The Penguins, Capitals and now Montreal. With all of the talk about a conspiracy theory against the Flyers, Philly fans have taken to scrutinizing every shaky call (there are more than a few) and non-call. I talked to a buddy of mine at work today, “Gordie” aka Mr. Hockey who knows quite a bit about hockey. When I asked him if the Flyers would win the series if they win today and go up 3 games to 1, his response was, “I think they win the series either way”. You have to understand, this man is what you would call a hockey geek (and I mean that in a 100% complimentary way). He and my buddy Shrek talked about the 3rd string goalie for the Capitals at a game that we all attended and I thought my head would spin off of my body. He is not prone to “homerism” as much as I am, if at all and these are his thoughts. Good things.
After the rousing response to my game 3 running diary ( two emails, one in-person compliment and 4 flaming bags of dog crap at the front door of The Power estate), we are back for Game 4. The Rook has already agreed to attend tonight’s game so let’s review: Flyers record when the Rook and I drink and watch the game:4-0 Flyers record when I do a running diary:1-0. As The Great LoveTron4000 would say, this is “double plus good”. Combine this with the fact that Montreal has a legitimate goalie controversy now, and there backup is Jaroslav Halak, who has in appeared in all of 6 regular season games, logged 18 minutes of postseason action and faced only 2 SOG ( he was playing the Flyers after all), and this is a recipe for success for the orange and black. If they start this kid, they are in trouble, he doesn’t look old enough to buy cigarettes. At least Carey Price has a healthy GAA of 3.86 against the Flyers…..oh wait, I guess the Price is WRONG *****!!!!!! On the other hand, we have Marty who’s got a 92.3% SV, has faced 35 SOG a game and turned away all but 8 (and none of them were bad goals). Price’s save percentages over the last two games have been 75 % ( 3 goals on just 12 SOG) and 82.3%. Granted, the Flyers need to get more SOG and I think they need a two goal game out of Briere so they go back to Montreal with him having some confidence for when those morons start to boo him. The pick for tonight: Flyers 4 Montreal 2
6:17 PM: The Rook walks through the door. Ready to rock.
6:18 PM-7:00 PM: We discuss the game and I am happy to hear that I have earned a top 3 seed in a beer pong tournament for this weekend.
7:01 PM: I receive the following news of a good nature: The game is on Comcast, not Versus, Knuble is playing and Halak is starting for the Habs. The Rook cracks a joke about the Flyers playing against two teams. When I finish the joke, he acts surprised. Crazy young people.
7:04 PM: I receive the following bad news: we only have 8 beers. Looks like a 1st intermission beer run is in order.
7:11 PM: Refs announced. No Koharski, no French A Holes. Nice.
7:12 Pm:Early save by Marty. Knuble nails someone to announce he's back.
7:14 PM: first beer is cracked. MMMMMM cold beer. I also receive a call from Lovetron. He's a good egg.
7:19 PM: As I struglle to fix a basement light, Richards gets called for Borading (B.S.) Carter still gets a nice breakaway and just barely misses.
7:20 PM":Marty bangs out a few nice saves in a row. Flyers kill PP as the Rook calls Biron " The Wizard". He is magic in net.
7:24 PM: Coatesy and Clement discuss the conspiracy theory against the Flyers, they nicely say it's true. I love those guys, well Clement anyway. LoveTron texts me that he is feeling a big gamefrom Carter.
7:27 PM: we go to commercial and the Rook gives me a bunch of lip about not putting the Phillies game on. Strike 1 young man......
7:29 PM: Still trying to fix this light....Lupul gets a shot on goal and Jim Jackson creams himself. Lovetron informs me Briere sucks.....a little scrum after the whistle...Dirty playing Hab SOBs. ROUGHING ON KUKKONEN?!?!?! ! WTF?!?!?!?!?! The rook lets a stream of profanity fly that would make a sailor proud.
7:32 PM: Great penalty kill so far....couple of non calls that could have helped the Flyers. Conspiracy. C-O-N-spiracy. Great glove save by Biron.
7:37 PM: Finally got the light working. 3 minutes left in a wild first period. Still not enough SOG for the Flyers. The Kapinen shot was the first since the Carter breakaway.
7:41 PM: They show a guy in a black LeClair jersey and fake Flyers helmet who looks remarkably like Dwight Schrute from the Office. You have to love a guy who doesn;t care how he looks and wants to support his team. ( note: I type this as I throw on my Peter "Turncoat Bastard" Forsberg Flyers jersey to make my beer run.)
7:44 PM: Save by Marty with 6 seconds left.
7:57 PM: The Rook and I return home from the beer run. I wanted Hop Devil but alas, my townie beer store does not carry it. We settle on the old standby, Coors Light, the official beer sponsor of Maxxx Power. Because we are responsible ( well sorta) we have each only had one beer up until this point. That number will increase dramatically and quickly over the next few hours.
7:59 PM: The Phils are on, down 3-2 to the Padres. I check the Phillies site and see that Utley has hit a 2 run home run. I inform the Rook of this fact and we agree that Utley is hot. By "hot" we mean he is hitting very well, not attractive. As I type this Utley hits a 576 foot foul ball with a beautiful compact swing. Flyers are back now.
8:05 PM: We franticly flip backand forth between the Phillies on CN8's horrible standard definition feed to catch Chase's AB and Comcast's gorgeous HD feed. CN8 is horrible by standard definition standards let alone HD. I have a plasma HD TV and no PIP. WTF. Too many abbreviations AHHHHH!!! Utley called out on a horrible call on a checked swing. I'm Maxxx Power, meet my alter ego, Homer Philsson.
8:08 PM: Carter gets a SOG and Jackson creams himself again, causing me to nearly spill my beer on my laptop. I like Jim Jackson, his goal calls are great but he gets WAAAAYYYY to excited when someone gets a SOG.
8:10 PM: Marty's good. Comcast decides to flash a graphic with the Flyers' lead time through the series thus far, it's good. This does not bode well for our boys in orange and black.
8:11 PM: A flurry of activity on Biron including the Kotitsyns ( SP?) each getting a shot off.
8:13 PM: We're both angry and increasing our drinking, this bodes VERY well for our boys.
8:15 PM: It's time for the PEEEEECCCOOOOOO Power Play!!!!!! Off of Knuble's skate, blown chance, he gets a pass for being awesome ( this postseason he has earned the right to wear #22, that of my favorite....uuuuuhhhhh) RJ SHOOT HE SCOOOOOOOORRRREEEESSSSS!!!!! I jump up and slap hands with the Rook and shout " that's my boy!!!". It's at this moment I realize that my neighbor is outside right by my door. Crap. Oh well. I call my boy Shrek and BS a bit. Marty stops another flurry of shots including a great glove save where he looks it all the way in to his glove AGAIN. Umberger loses his stick and Marty makes a save.Puck cleared. One timer is batted down by Marty. Power play over now. 27-11 SOG Montreal. Here we go again.
8:23 PM: Phils are back and we wonder what Howard has done. 0 for 1 with a walk and a lineout. No Strikeout?!?!?!?! Still batting a sizzling .175 though. JAckson creams himself after a SOG. Someone get the man some new boxers.
8:29 PM: There's a scrum after a SOG by the Flyers. Jim Dowd skates up to it to intervene by telling the combatants a story about the War of 1812.
8:30 Pm: Phils are back on, why are they wearing green hats?!?!?! Is it Earth Day?
8:32 PM: A brief thoughts runs through my head: Biron has been especially good with the glove these playoffs...what if after every great glove save and play stoppage the PA system at the Wachovia Center played " Whole Lotta Love" by Led Zeppelin and instead of love the crowd shouted GLOVE? It would be great, although sacreligious with respect to Zeppelin and the fact that it would jinx Marty...what if I applied my thoughts to good use? I need more beer.
8:36 PM: " You need cool saves, baby Marty's got cool saves...he's gonna send you down, back to AHL baby. "( John Bonham is rolling over in his grave right now.)
8:39 PM: Period over, 1-0 good guys.
8:44 PM: Werth with the stolen base. What a job by Jason and (gulp) even Bruntlett lately replacing J Rol and Shane. Brunty strikes out. What a wang gobbler.
8:46 PM: Morganti compliments Umberger and Bundy compliments Briere. The Rook and I argue about who is better. We settle on the following: Danny in round 1, RJ in Round 2 and we'd want Briere overall ( pain in my heart.) Apparently the green hats for the Phils have something to do with the environment. There is some hippie tree hugger talking about renewable energy with T Mac. Go get a haircut hippie. St. Patrick's Day is the only time that the Phillies should wear green. How many trees died making the stickers for the hats and the boxes they were shipped in? Wheels is babbling on about politics. I haope Harry busts an empty bottle of Jack on the table tonight and shanks him in the 8th inning.
8:51 PM: The wife has fallen asleep early. The Rook yells loudly and apologizes. His pennace is getting me a beer.
8:52 PM: The Rook has not taken a seat since 7:00 PM with the exception of maybe 2:00 worth of car time to and from the beer store. His reasoning is that the Flyers and Phillies play better when he stands and gets into the games. Good for him. Good for Philly fans.
8:53 PM: T.O. sucks. I am pretty sure that he deserves to get sued more than anybody in the history of the world has ever deserved it. At work today, I recounted the story of a Dallas fan getting stomped out in front of me at a Monday Night game in Philly circa 1997. The Birds had just lost and the guy was running his mouth in a #22 jersey. It was ripped off of him and tossed over the railing at the Vet. I am not saying it's right for 6 guys to beat up one guy, but I understand. Go Birds.
8:57 PM: No "orange out" today. Quite disappointing. It's called an " Orange Crush" per my buddy Gordie, but this is Maxxx's blog.
8:59 PM: Kukkonen gets checked into the boards by some fairy. It's the weakest looking check I have ever seen. I am built like Todd PInkston and I can check harder than that. He's probably French. They like cigarettes or "fags" as they call them. Seems about right.
9:00 PM: RJ gets calls for slashing. HORSE****!!!!!!!!!!! C-O-N- spiracy. ( A tap on the hands as stated by Bill Clement. We love Bill.) Lovetron texts about the ineptitude of the officials. He's been sent back in time to change the hockey future for one lucky team. Power play killed. I'd like an insurance goal.
9:04 PM: I shat you not.....I typed the previous sentene and looked up just before Hartnell scored. Lovetron texts me lewd things about Hartnell.
9:06 PM: I call Shrek's wife Fiona since Shrek sometimes doesn't answer during games. We talk about the goal and she informs me that Shrek ( the biggest Flyers fan I know along with Gordie, has left for his own hockey game because he is expecting a Flyers loss. His marriage is a front if you catch my drift.)
9:08 PM: Some queer on Montreal gets hurt. You hate to see that, only the official don't whistle the play and the Habs take offense to the fact that the Flyers keep playing, even though that is what they were supposed to do. C-O-N-spiracy.
9:17 PM: Somebody get Jim Jackson some help. He gets all fired up for a simple routine shot on goal. 7:26 left and Jim mentions that there are a lot of topics left to discuss on the postgame show. Someone is getting ahead of themself methinks.
9:19 PM: GOAL MONTREAL. It goes off of Hatcher. Five hole. Not Marty's fau;t. 3 Montreal fans are shown in the crowd. They are all about 60 years old. I hope they get dealt with after the game. GOAL MONTREAL. 37 seconds apart. Koivu catches the rebound, waits and gets a decent goal on Biron. Hard to read.
9:24 pm: Delayed call against Montreal. The Rook thinks the whistle was late. I yell at him. He yells back and gets me a beer. All is forgiven. PEEEECCCCCCCOOOOOO POWER PLAY!!!!!!
9:27 PM: Danny Briere scores. The Rook and I slap hands and do a fruity dance. I am not ashamed of this. Danny is the man.
9:29 PM: Extra man is on and Biron gets the save. Play is stopped allowing me to type. WOOOOOOO!!!!!
9:31 PM: More stats. NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
9:32 PM: Stevens gets the timeout. I hate Canadian people, unless they have ever played for the Flyers. In that case, you get a Molson XXX, eh.
9:34 PM: My boyfriend RJ Umberger puts away the game with an empty netter. Carter with the assist. Slap hands.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Ode to an Iron Pig
Well, folks, I've got some good news and some bad news. First, the good, since by nature I'm an optimistic fellow. With their victory last night over the punchless San Diego Padres, your Phightin Phils have guaranteed themselves a winning month of April. They're at 15-12 with one day left in the opening month and have done all of this thanks in no small part to the outstanding play of Chase Utley, Pat Burrell, Jayson Werth and, yes it's true, an amazingly solid bullpen, Clay Condrey not withstanding. To be 15-12 at this point despite no Jimmy Rollins, 3 starters with ERA's over 5 and Ryan Howard shaping up to be the reincarnation of Rob Deer, is a miracle.
Now the bad news. From all accounts, the Reading Phillies (AA) are the team that houses the majority of the Phillies minor league top-talent. However, it's the members of this squad that are all still developing and that the big-league club isn't going to be quick to pluck from. That roster of probable call-ups plays for your brand spankin new, Lehigh Valley Iron Pigs! Sooie!
When another injury inevitably pops up this year, hello Brett Myers mysterious declining velocity, it will likely be someone from the AAA Pigs that gets the phone call. And this is where the crux lies. For those who don't gander at the standings of the International League too often, the Pigs are a muddy 3-23! For those unfamiliar with the team, allow me to relay the top 5 things you need to know about your Iron Pigs so that you can impress your co-workers around the water cooler today.
5. The average age of the players on the Iron Pigs roster is 30.5. This means these guys aren't projects, still developing youngsters, but rather that the majority of them are has-beens or never-will-bes. For every Chris Coste, Dennis Quaid, 33 year old rookie, there are 1000 Andy Tracy's, the Iron Pigs 34-year old never-made-it-to-the-big-time first baseman who is tearing it up in AAA this year batting at a .215 clip.
4. There is one Iron Pigs regular batting over .270. In fact, there are only two non-regulars (Shane Victorino and the sweet-swinging JD Durbin) who hit over .270 for the Oinks. Your starting OF's are hitting .247, .232 and .176 respectively, word used loosely. The team batting average is .209.
3. The pitching isn't much better. Only one hurler, Matt Childers, has an ERA under 3.09. 6 guys roll-out to the mound with ERAs over 6.
2. JD Durbin, he who has lost the desire to play at the ripe age of 26, is currently 0-5 with a 9.61 ERA. Just remember this when he gets promoted to the Phillies after Adam Eaton's eventual melt-down. Note for those not paying attention, Kris Benson got hurt again.
1. The team's shortstop is Gookie Dawkins. Yes, that Gookie Dawkins, formerly known as the heir apparent to Barry Larkin. The only redeeming quality is that I can't wait for Gookie Cookie giveaway day at the ballpark this year. Ah, those crazy minor league promotions!
But fear not loyal Phillies fans. There is hope! In Lakewood, (A) last year, the Phils unleashed a now 22 year old Dominican lefty. How did he fare? Fairly well. In 15 starts, he went 9-0 with a 1.87 ERA. He struck out 98 batters in 91 innings and yielded only 3 home runs. This youngster was promoted to Clearwater (High A) this season. Results? In 5 starts, 2-0 with an ERA of 1.17. He's fanned 47 batters in 30 innings. In his latest outing, the south-paw pitched 8 scoreless innings, surrendering 2 hits and striking out 13. It was the 3rd time in his last 4 starts that he reached double figures in strikeouts. He is dominating his league and should be moving up to AA any day now. And here's the best part.
The man's name is Antonio Bastardo. This is arguably better then Fukodome! Can you imagine the jersey sales? The fan clubs? The children born out of wedlock named after him? All of a sudden, I'm praying for Adam Eaton's demise. And thank goodness, I feel this prayer will get answered.
Now the bad news. From all accounts, the Reading Phillies (AA) are the team that houses the majority of the Phillies minor league top-talent. However, it's the members of this squad that are all still developing and that the big-league club isn't going to be quick to pluck from. That roster of probable call-ups plays for your brand spankin new, Lehigh Valley Iron Pigs! Sooie!
When another injury inevitably pops up this year, hello Brett Myers mysterious declining velocity, it will likely be someone from the AAA Pigs that gets the phone call. And this is where the crux lies. For those who don't gander at the standings of the International League too often, the Pigs are a muddy 3-23! For those unfamiliar with the team, allow me to relay the top 5 things you need to know about your Iron Pigs so that you can impress your co-workers around the water cooler today.
5. The average age of the players on the Iron Pigs roster is 30.5. This means these guys aren't projects, still developing youngsters, but rather that the majority of them are has-beens or never-will-bes. For every Chris Coste, Dennis Quaid, 33 year old rookie, there are 1000 Andy Tracy's, the Iron Pigs 34-year old never-made-it-to-the-big-time first baseman who is tearing it up in AAA this year batting at a .215 clip.
4. There is one Iron Pigs regular batting over .270. In fact, there are only two non-regulars (Shane Victorino and the sweet-swinging JD Durbin) who hit over .270 for the Oinks. Your starting OF's are hitting .247, .232 and .176 respectively, word used loosely. The team batting average is .209.
3. The pitching isn't much better. Only one hurler, Matt Childers, has an ERA under 3.09. 6 guys roll-out to the mound with ERAs over 6.
2. JD Durbin, he who has lost the desire to play at the ripe age of 26, is currently 0-5 with a 9.61 ERA. Just remember this when he gets promoted to the Phillies after Adam Eaton's eventual melt-down. Note for those not paying attention, Kris Benson got hurt again.
1. The team's shortstop is Gookie Dawkins. Yes, that Gookie Dawkins, formerly known as the heir apparent to Barry Larkin. The only redeeming quality is that I can't wait for Gookie Cookie giveaway day at the ballpark this year. Ah, those crazy minor league promotions!
But fear not loyal Phillies fans. There is hope! In Lakewood, (A) last year, the Phils unleashed a now 22 year old Dominican lefty. How did he fare? Fairly well. In 15 starts, he went 9-0 with a 1.87 ERA. He struck out 98 batters in 91 innings and yielded only 3 home runs. This youngster was promoted to Clearwater (High A) this season. Results? In 5 starts, 2-0 with an ERA of 1.17. He's fanned 47 batters in 30 innings. In his latest outing, the south-paw pitched 8 scoreless innings, surrendering 2 hits and striking out 13. It was the 3rd time in his last 4 starts that he reached double figures in strikeouts. He is dominating his league and should be moving up to AA any day now. And here's the best part.
The man's name is Antonio Bastardo. This is arguably better then Fukodome! Can you imagine the jersey sales? The fan clubs? The children born out of wedlock named after him? All of a sudden, I'm praying for Adam Eaton's demise. And thank goodness, I feel this prayer will get answered.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Yet Another NBA Franchise Apparently Doesn't Do Background Checks
CLASSIFIED AD FOUND IN CHARLOTTE SUNNY-TIME OBSERVER*
WANTED:
WANTED:
1 professional basketball coach. Candidate should have background in North Carolina basketball, and generally make references to the program's storied history, etc.
Candidate should also be old, bitter, perpetually dissatisfied and nomadic. Candidate should stubbornly refuse to adapt to rule changes, changes in player development, changes in player attitude, and change in general. Candidate should have extensive history of making references to wanting to stay in current position for the remainder of career while making arrangements to move elsewhere. Candidate should constantly refer to coaching style and strategies as "The Right Way" despite significant evidence to the contrary.
Candidate should be universally lauded by pundits despite having won two (2) Championships in 33+ year coaching career, and further despite candidate's last coaching job resulting in the immolation of one of the NBA's most storied franchises.
Employer willing to overlook general sour demeanor and the presence of children young enough to be candidate's grandchildren. Employer also willing to overlook extreme negative feelings generated by Candidate's departure of every single position he has ever held.
APPLY TODAY!
Larry Brown: Holy Sh*t! Honey, call the movers! I've got another franchise to suck the life out of!
*Charlotte Sunny-Time Observer not an Actual Newspaper
Monday, April 28, 2008
Running Diary of Game 3
So here we are at Game 3 of the Eastern Conference Semifinals and our Flyers have been a handful for the Habs so far. It’s a well-known fact (at least around my house and my office) that the Flyers playoff record is 5-0 when I watch the game with The Rook (my brother in law), drink heavily and eat bad food and is 0-4 when we don’t. This extends to Game 1 against Montreal when we each drank 2 beers and then I stopped because my allergies were bothering me (I know, I know). Now, it may have bee the horrible officiating but I think it’s my fault.
In the spirit of true fandom and in reaction to Guy Carbonneau's stupid comments following his sucker punch on Kimmo at the end of Game 2, I have decided to do a running diary of Game 3. What will I be doing to ensure my Flyers win you ask? You guessed it: Pizza, beer and some high fives with the Rook. Here goes, shout out to Bill Simmons for being a writing inspiration and an avid Canadiens hater ( the team not the residents of Canada). Here goes:
3:29 Pm: I send a text to the Rook to set plans, " Flyers.7."
4:05 PM: Rook's response, " Got hockey tonight" ( as in club scrimmage. I hate the Rook.)
4:05 PM- 5:28 PM: The Rook and I exchange text messages and I question his manhood, love for the Flyers and threaten to have half a dozen burly men beat him if the Flyers should lose.
5:28 PM: I notice a missed call from the Rook and call him. It seems for a brief moment like he might man up and come over, but he state's that my other brother in law " Fag" ( Mrs. Powers' nickname) has his hockey gear in his car. What an excuse. He promises to be over on Wednesday for Game 4. He can live--for now.
6:15 PM: The Power household sit down to a quick dinner of Chinese food. We discuss our days and watch CSI:Crime Scene Investigation. I could be drinking right now. I want to vomit.
7:00 PM: I realize that the game is starting now and get a call from Ballz at the same time. Ballz hates hockey but should still know better. I BS with Ballz for a few and let him go because he has come up on an accident during his trek home from his Ballz Inc. I value his friendship and do not want to see him hurt bwhahahaha ( I almost got that out).
7:05 PM: Mrs. Power makes fun of me when I tell her that I am blogging and states that only " you 3" read it. What Maxine does not realize is that there are 4 only ( albeit one probationary) and that we have at least 27 fans worldwide. She also tells me that I can "choose" between the computer and the TV when I request that the game is turned on. I tell her I will keep the computer and I will just slink into the bedroom. In other news she just lost $10K on Jeopardy and I answered a legal question right. Gotta love putting that Poly Sci degree to use.
7:21 PM: I still haven't turned the game on yet. I check ESPN and we are knotted a 0-0 with about 6 minutes gone. I am ok with this for now. Mrs. Power shakes her head when make an off color remark to finish the following sentence from E! News: " Elmo is red and furry with a big orange _ _ _ _ ". I need to move to another TV.
7:25 PM: I convince Maxine to switch to the Flyers games after I start to move into the bedroom to continue my diary. She tells me that " The game isn't on." until I point out the Stanley Cup Playoff listing. She starts yelling about the announcers. A sampling ( in a high pitched condescending voice), " Look at how well he uses his stick!!! ****ing F*****!!!!! Why don't you go ***********************************************?!?!?!?!" Use you imagination.
7:28 PM: RJ Umberger gets a shot on goal. This excites me because he is one of my favorite Flyers. I begin to get angry when I realize that he will probably not be around next year.
7:29 PM: 5 on 3 Habs. Not good. GLOVE SAVE BIRON!!!! The crowd goes nuts. Mrs. Power called thundersticks " Wang sticks." And you wonder why we're married.
7:32 PM: Penalty killed successfully. Good work Orange and Black. "The orange out" is impressive. Is that a term? I just made it one.
7:34 PM: I comment on the orange out to nobody in particular. I am really impressed. My dog looks at me like I am crazy, maybe I am.
7:35 PM: 5:55 left in the first and we get a commercial break. I am trying to think of things for the wife to do so she will leave me alone. I mention a stupid commercial to her and she laughs. Immediately following her chuckle, she mentions that " Jon and Kate Plus 8" is on at 9:00 and they are on Oprah. Maxxx Power senses an exit around 8:59 PM.
7:39 PM: I ask the wife why she doesn't like hockey and she tells me she isn't responding and giving me "material". Icing is the call.
7:40 PM: Richards puts a great move on and crashes into Price. My buddy "Shrek" has a heartattack. That's his man crush. Oh yeah. Price also gives Richards a "love tap". The Versus announcers are terrible.
7:43 PM: Price gets knocked down and triggers a " powder keg". It's called a fight. The announcers are giving Price man love. Someone on the Flyers jumps on a Canadien. We decide that it was a "flying scissor kick". Seems about right.
7:46 PM: It looked like a dive job on Price's part, Downie barely touched him. the good old "A-Hole" chant has started. I can't wait to hear how horrible we Philly fans are on ESPN tomorrow. Remember that time we hit Jeff Carter with a beer bottle, threw trash on the ice and dumped a Molson on Mike Richards? Oh wait they were Capitals and Canadiens fans..... You mean you didn't hear about that? Strange.
7:50 PM: End of the 1st period. 0-0. I tell the woman she can change the channel. She asks how many periods are in "this". I tell her 3, unless they go to OT. She groans. Back in a few.
8:10 PM: I return home from my walk to Wawa. It's a few blocks away and with gas the way it is, I decided to hoof it. I ran into a drunk guy in a LeClair jersey in the Wawa and we gave each other one of those head-nods that says, "I know you're here to get grub during intermission because you're drunk." Only I'm not drunk. Argh. I take my orange drink and salt and vinegar chips and get on my way.
8:17 PM: UPSHALL SCORES!!!! I hate the Rook right now, but he calls Upshall "Boy Wonder" which is funnier because Scotty is easily 3 years older than him. If you're wondering I got orange drink because the Flyers wear orange and black. Stupid, I know, but they were sold out of Black Cherry Wishniak ( mmm mm b*tch).
8:21 PM: Why do hockey announcers still call hockey jerseys sweaters? I understand the historic angle but it's a little outdated at this point ( I guarantee I will have 2-3 of my hockey loving friends email or call me about this tomorrow. That's right all 3 of my friends.
8:23 PM: The Versus announcer states that Flyers fans "aren't going to settle for just one round". I'm not sure what he means but I'm waiting for something about Santa Claus.
8:24 PM: Glove save and a beauty by Marty. I am shocked by all of the different ways to say his first and last name. I am going with Mahr-tee Beer-ahn. Done.
8:31 PM: apparently The Boy Wonder's goal is the only SOG so far.WOW. So you can get outshot 2-1 and at least get a lead.
8:32 PM " Jason Smith is hearing cheers from the crowd." Unless he changed his name to " Let's Go Flyers" I think the guy from Versus is wrong. We're all just waiting for him to sign with the Devils after this tear so we can hate him and maybe get a draft pick if the NHL has tampering rules.
8:34 PM: The wife has the remote and I'm glad she doesn't change the channel because Richy scores 3rd of the playoffs his on a beautiful shorthanded goal. I stand up and yell, " Yeah! He so hot!!! ( I'm hoping she will start to think a Flyer is good looking so she will watch more games)" and I get a high five. Richards was " cannolding" accordingly to the Versus guy. I have no words.
8:39 PM: I send Lovetron a text that says, "I like Biron's style." If I know him, he'll respond like I want.
8:40 Pm: RJ shoots he SCOOOOOORRRRREEESSS!!!!! I text my buddy Shrek since RJ is my boy and all.
8:42 PM: The 2nd period ends, after a great save on Koivu by Marty. The Versus guy calls Marty " Beer-onch" ( sounding like a French guy) A sign of respect if you ask me. 3-0 good guys.
8:45 PM: Shrek's wife Fiona texts me about RJ. Good times. AARRRRRHHHHHHHHHHHHH JJAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!
8:46 PM: A Sidney Crosby commerical come on and I yell horrible obscenities at the TV. Pretty standard stuff, mostly about being a whiner, liking men and such.
8:47 PM : I explain the tradition of the octupus on the ice in Detroit ( a fish monger started it for luck in 1912), including that it is a dead octupus to Mrs. Power and defend Upshall when she calls him "ugly". I don't care either way but I must defend my boys.
8:51 PM: I send Maxine to bed for her sass mouth ( and by send to bed I mean " say good night" when she adjourns to the bedroom).
8:53 PM: The history of towel waiving is an intermission segment. Roger Neilson started it!!! I'm shocked. It was a protest against ref's calls when he coached the Canucks. Good for Roger. Hard to believe it's almost 5 years since he passed. R.I.P. Roger, you gave motivation to us all.
9:04 PM: Jason Smith knocks down Kostitsyn. Way to go old man. I still hate you.
9:08 PM:NOOOOOOOOOO! RJ is down against the boards and it doesn't look good. They showed the reply and it looks like something with his leg. Boullion just got boarded by Hatcher and took offense. Oh well, good work Hatcher, I'd be mad if I was named after something that helps make gravy and soup.
9:13 PM: He comes a 5:00 major power play for Montreal. Gut check time boys. Do it for RJ, do it for Hatcher, do it for Caretaker....I'm rambling....
9:15 PM: Kostitsyn scores 2:12 into the power play. They showed the replay and no goal at first but the rebound counts. Nice camera work by Versus.Seriously. I'm not kidding. Really.
9:18 PM: Koivu scores. The announcer says " anguish by the locals." I hate this guy. I also hate the boarding call because it's now 3-2 .
9:21 PM: Nice save by Biron. It's cleared with 10 seconds left. FULL STRENGTH.
9:26 PM:Umberger is back and gets a shot deflected into the netting, but I'm fine with it because he's ok. He is a hockey player afer all. PAD SAVE ON KOIVU!!!!! MMMMAAARRRTTTTYYYY!!!!!
9:31 PM: Kukkonen just called called for interference on Begin. And so it "begin"s..... ( I couldn't help myself) Great here comes another power play but Marty just keeps making saves.
9:34 PM: Carter clears it and the penalty is half killed.
9:35 PM: Thorsen clears it. This guy is nuts ( pun intended). I went into this more in an unposted entry....but I digress....POWER PLAY OVER.
9:36 PM: Wait for it, wait for it.....it's your PECOOOOOOOOOO POWER POWER PLAY!!!!!!!! ( cue Welcome to the Jungle)
9:37 PM: It looks like some Montreal fans got a little too excited and busted some glass. But don't worry it's Philly so we're used to it. We're going to use the time to throw rocks at the Easter Bunny, pull the Tooth fairy's wings off and kick Santa in the nuts ( snowballs are so last season).
9:39. Golf club for the Flyers facility guys. The glass is back up and the power play is on like Donkey Kong. Pad save by Marty. Kimmo is slowing things up a bit, I like it. Crazy little Finish man.
9:44 PM: Back at even strength. The Canadiens have great puck movement with the empty net but the Good Guys have better defense. Flyers win 3-2. The Rook can live another day.
9:45 PM: Back to Comcast to hear Al and Bundy. Oh no, not Coatsey. He just keeps yelling Biron's name...I'm pretty sure he's drunk. Bundy agrees. I'm actually glad I'm not watching in HD on the plasma. He is not an attractive man.
9:46 PM: Your Maxxx Power stars of the game: 1. Biron 2. RJ 3. Richy. We even have Montreal with a bit of a goalie controversy.
9:48 PM: So let's review: Zero beers, no Rook and a Flyers win. That makes the record without 1-4. I like 5-0 better. Bet on beers and the Rook.Back on Wednesday. GO FLYERS.
In the spirit of true fandom and in reaction to Guy Carbonneau's stupid comments following his sucker punch on Kimmo at the end of Game 2, I have decided to do a running diary of Game 3. What will I be doing to ensure my Flyers win you ask? You guessed it: Pizza, beer and some high fives with the Rook. Here goes, shout out to Bill Simmons for being a writing inspiration and an avid Canadiens hater ( the team not the residents of Canada). Here goes:
3:29 Pm: I send a text to the Rook to set plans, " Flyers.7."
4:05 PM: Rook's response, " Got hockey tonight" ( as in club scrimmage. I hate the Rook.)
4:05 PM- 5:28 PM: The Rook and I exchange text messages and I question his manhood, love for the Flyers and threaten to have half a dozen burly men beat him if the Flyers should lose.
5:28 PM: I notice a missed call from the Rook and call him. It seems for a brief moment like he might man up and come over, but he state's that my other brother in law " Fag" ( Mrs. Powers' nickname) has his hockey gear in his car. What an excuse. He promises to be over on Wednesday for Game 4. He can live--for now.
6:15 PM: The Power household sit down to a quick dinner of Chinese food. We discuss our days and watch CSI:Crime Scene Investigation. I could be drinking right now. I want to vomit.
7:00 PM: I realize that the game is starting now and get a call from Ballz at the same time. Ballz hates hockey but should still know better. I BS with Ballz for a few and let him go because he has come up on an accident during his trek home from his Ballz Inc. I value his friendship and do not want to see him hurt bwhahahaha ( I almost got that out).
7:05 PM: Mrs. Power makes fun of me when I tell her that I am blogging and states that only " you 3" read it. What Maxine does not realize is that there are 4 only ( albeit one probationary) and that we have at least 27 fans worldwide. She also tells me that I can "choose" between the computer and the TV when I request that the game is turned on. I tell her I will keep the computer and I will just slink into the bedroom. In other news she just lost $10K on Jeopardy and I answered a legal question right. Gotta love putting that Poly Sci degree to use.
7:21 PM: I still haven't turned the game on yet. I check ESPN and we are knotted a 0-0 with about 6 minutes gone. I am ok with this for now. Mrs. Power shakes her head when make an off color remark to finish the following sentence from E! News: " Elmo is red and furry with a big orange _ _ _ _ ". I need to move to another TV.
7:25 PM: I convince Maxine to switch to the Flyers games after I start to move into the bedroom to continue my diary. She tells me that " The game isn't on." until I point out the Stanley Cup Playoff listing. She starts yelling about the announcers. A sampling ( in a high pitched condescending voice), " Look at how well he uses his stick!!! ****ing F*****!!!!! Why don't you go ***********************************************?!?!?!?!" Use you imagination.
7:28 PM: RJ Umberger gets a shot on goal. This excites me because he is one of my favorite Flyers. I begin to get angry when I realize that he will probably not be around next year.
7:29 PM: 5 on 3 Habs. Not good. GLOVE SAVE BIRON!!!! The crowd goes nuts. Mrs. Power called thundersticks " Wang sticks." And you wonder why we're married.
7:32 PM: Penalty killed successfully. Good work Orange and Black. "The orange out" is impressive. Is that a term? I just made it one.
7:34 PM: I comment on the orange out to nobody in particular. I am really impressed. My dog looks at me like I am crazy, maybe I am.
7:35 PM: 5:55 left in the first and we get a commercial break. I am trying to think of things for the wife to do so she will leave me alone. I mention a stupid commercial to her and she laughs. Immediately following her chuckle, she mentions that " Jon and Kate Plus 8" is on at 9:00 and they are on Oprah. Maxxx Power senses an exit around 8:59 PM.
7:39 PM: I ask the wife why she doesn't like hockey and she tells me she isn't responding and giving me "material". Icing is the call.
7:40 PM: Richards puts a great move on and crashes into Price. My buddy "Shrek" has a heartattack. That's his man crush. Oh yeah. Price also gives Richards a "love tap". The Versus announcers are terrible.
7:43 PM: Price gets knocked down and triggers a " powder keg". It's called a fight. The announcers are giving Price man love. Someone on the Flyers jumps on a Canadien. We decide that it was a "flying scissor kick". Seems about right.
7:46 PM: It looked like a dive job on Price's part, Downie barely touched him. the good old "A-Hole" chant has started. I can't wait to hear how horrible we Philly fans are on ESPN tomorrow. Remember that time we hit Jeff Carter with a beer bottle, threw trash on the ice and dumped a Molson on Mike Richards? Oh wait they were Capitals and Canadiens fans..... You mean you didn't hear about that? Strange.
7:50 PM: End of the 1st period. 0-0. I tell the woman she can change the channel. She asks how many periods are in "this". I tell her 3, unless they go to OT. She groans. Back in a few.
8:10 PM: I return home from my walk to Wawa. It's a few blocks away and with gas the way it is, I decided to hoof it. I ran into a drunk guy in a LeClair jersey in the Wawa and we gave each other one of those head-nods that says, "I know you're here to get grub during intermission because you're drunk." Only I'm not drunk. Argh. I take my orange drink and salt and vinegar chips and get on my way.
8:17 PM: UPSHALL SCORES!!!! I hate the Rook right now, but he calls Upshall "Boy Wonder" which is funnier because Scotty is easily 3 years older than him. If you're wondering I got orange drink because the Flyers wear orange and black. Stupid, I know, but they were sold out of Black Cherry Wishniak ( mmm mm b*tch).
8:21 PM: Why do hockey announcers still call hockey jerseys sweaters? I understand the historic angle but it's a little outdated at this point ( I guarantee I will have 2-3 of my hockey loving friends email or call me about this tomorrow. That's right all 3 of my friends.
8:23 PM: The Versus announcer states that Flyers fans "aren't going to settle for just one round". I'm not sure what he means but I'm waiting for something about Santa Claus.
8:24 PM: Glove save and a beauty by Marty. I am shocked by all of the different ways to say his first and last name. I am going with Mahr-tee Beer-ahn. Done.
8:31 PM: apparently The Boy Wonder's goal is the only SOG so far.WOW. So you can get outshot 2-1 and at least get a lead.
8:32 PM " Jason Smith is hearing cheers from the crowd." Unless he changed his name to " Let's Go Flyers" I think the guy from Versus is wrong. We're all just waiting for him to sign with the Devils after this tear so we can hate him and maybe get a draft pick if the NHL has tampering rules.
8:34 PM: The wife has the remote and I'm glad she doesn't change the channel because Richy scores 3rd of the playoffs his on a beautiful shorthanded goal. I stand up and yell, " Yeah! He so hot!!! ( I'm hoping she will start to think a Flyer is good looking so she will watch more games)" and I get a high five. Richards was " cannolding" accordingly to the Versus guy. I have no words.
8:39 PM: I send Lovetron a text that says, "I like Biron's style." If I know him, he'll respond like I want.
8:40 Pm: RJ shoots he SCOOOOOORRRRREEESSS!!!!! I text my buddy Shrek since RJ is my boy and all.
8:42 PM: The 2nd period ends, after a great save on Koivu by Marty. The Versus guy calls Marty " Beer-onch" ( sounding like a French guy) A sign of respect if you ask me. 3-0 good guys.
8:45 PM: Shrek's wife Fiona texts me about RJ. Good times. AARRRRRHHHHHHHHHHHHH JJAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!
8:46 PM: A Sidney Crosby commerical come on and I yell horrible obscenities at the TV. Pretty standard stuff, mostly about being a whiner, liking men and such.
8:47 PM : I explain the tradition of the octupus on the ice in Detroit ( a fish monger started it for luck in 1912), including that it is a dead octupus to Mrs. Power and defend Upshall when she calls him "ugly". I don't care either way but I must defend my boys.
8:51 PM: I send Maxine to bed for her sass mouth ( and by send to bed I mean " say good night" when she adjourns to the bedroom).
8:53 PM: The history of towel waiving is an intermission segment. Roger Neilson started it!!! I'm shocked. It was a protest against ref's calls when he coached the Canucks. Good for Roger. Hard to believe it's almost 5 years since he passed. R.I.P. Roger, you gave motivation to us all.
9:04 PM: Jason Smith knocks down Kostitsyn. Way to go old man. I still hate you.
9:08 PM:NOOOOOOOOOO! RJ is down against the boards and it doesn't look good. They showed the reply and it looks like something with his leg. Boullion just got boarded by Hatcher and took offense. Oh well, good work Hatcher, I'd be mad if I was named after something that helps make gravy and soup.
9:13 PM: He comes a 5:00 major power play for Montreal. Gut check time boys. Do it for RJ, do it for Hatcher, do it for Caretaker....I'm rambling....
9:15 PM: Kostitsyn scores 2:12 into the power play. They showed the replay and no goal at first but the rebound counts. Nice camera work by Versus.Seriously. I'm not kidding. Really.
9:18 PM: Koivu scores. The announcer says " anguish by the locals." I hate this guy. I also hate the boarding call because it's now 3-2 .
9:21 PM: Nice save by Biron. It's cleared with 10 seconds left. FULL STRENGTH.
9:26 PM:Umberger is back and gets a shot deflected into the netting, but I'm fine with it because he's ok. He is a hockey player afer all. PAD SAVE ON KOIVU!!!!! MMMMAAARRRTTTTYYYY!!!!!
9:31 PM: Kukkonen just called called for interference on Begin. And so it "begin"s..... ( I couldn't help myself) Great here comes another power play but Marty just keeps making saves.
9:34 PM: Carter clears it and the penalty is half killed.
9:35 PM: Thorsen clears it. This guy is nuts ( pun intended). I went into this more in an unposted entry....but I digress....POWER PLAY OVER.
9:36 PM: Wait for it, wait for it.....it's your PECOOOOOOOOOO POWER POWER PLAY!!!!!!!! ( cue Welcome to the Jungle)
9:37 PM: It looks like some Montreal fans got a little too excited and busted some glass. But don't worry it's Philly so we're used to it. We're going to use the time to throw rocks at the Easter Bunny, pull the Tooth fairy's wings off and kick Santa in the nuts ( snowballs are so last season).
9:39. Golf club for the Flyers facility guys. The glass is back up and the power play is on like Donkey Kong. Pad save by Marty. Kimmo is slowing things up a bit, I like it. Crazy little Finish man.
9:44 PM: Back at even strength. The Canadiens have great puck movement with the empty net but the Good Guys have better defense. Flyers win 3-2. The Rook can live another day.
9:45 PM: Back to Comcast to hear Al and Bundy. Oh no, not Coatsey. He just keeps yelling Biron's name...I'm pretty sure he's drunk. Bundy agrees. I'm actually glad I'm not watching in HD on the plasma. He is not an attractive man.
9:46 PM: Your Maxxx Power stars of the game: 1. Biron 2. RJ 3. Richy. We even have Montreal with a bit of a goalie controversy.
9:48 PM: So let's review: Zero beers, no Rook and a Flyers win. That makes the record without 1-4. I like 5-0 better. Bet on beers and the Rook.Back on Wednesday. GO FLYERS.
Atlanta Still Haunted By Vick, Drafts Whitest Available QB
In an effort to distance themselves from the whole Vick doggapalooza (What? too soon?), the Atlanta Falcons have selected the quarterback as diametrically opposed to Michael Vick as humanly possible. He's a tall, skinny, white kid from Boston. He just saw his first black person the other day, and sent a telegraph in proper english to his uncle the Duke of Wright to tell him about it. He has two butlers. He's never had fried chicken, and thinks collard greens are an area of a golf course. He even votes Republican. That's how white he is. (Note: Matt Ryan not related to fictional member of the British Royal Family.)
Let's compare
Matt Ryan, Boston College. 6'5", 218. Throws Righty. Pocket Passer. White as the underside of a snow baby's butt. Recipient of BC's Freshman Male Scholar-Athlete Award. That thing he's standing in? It's called a pocket. All the great quarterbacks do it.
Mike Vick, Virginia Tech. 6'0". Throws Lefty. Not a Pocket Passer. Currently incarcerated in Leavenworth for his role in organizing, maintaining and supplying the financial backing for a dogfighting ring operating out of one of his houses. 2001 Gator Bowl MVP. That thing he's standing in? It's a big pile of sh*t, both literally and metaphorically.
So, in conclusion - Ryan: Skinny, tall, white, natural passer. He even did well in school! Vick:Built, short, black, not a passer. Is it all possible that the Falcons were doing this, I don't know, on purpose?
Let's compare
/contrast, shall we?
Matt Ryan, Boston College. 6'5", 218. Throws Righty. Pocket Passer. White as the underside of a snow baby's butt. Recipient of BC's Freshman Male Scholar-Athlete Award. That thing he's standing in? It's called a pocket. All the great quarterbacks do it.
Mike Vick, Virginia Tech. 6'0". Throws Lefty. Not a Pocket Passer. Currently incarcerated in Leavenworth for his role in organizing, maintaining and supplying the financial backing for a dogfighting ring operating out of one of his houses. 2001 Gator Bowl MVP. That thing he's standing in? It's a big pile of sh*t, both literally and metaphorically.
So, in conclusion - Ryan: Skinny, tall, white, natural passer. He even did well in school! Vick:Built, short, black, not a passer. Is it all possible that the Falcons were doing this, I don't know, on purpose?
We Hereby Acknowledge that Philadephia has a Professional Basketball Team
Basketball's not our thing, ok? I haven't cared about the Sixers since about two years before Iverson left. Having been in attendance for a couple games this year,I've noticed that they're a deceptively skilled, scrappy bunch that like to run and hit mid-range jumpers.
If this sounds like a Super-college team, you're right. There's a lot to like on this team, most of all the point guard. He's the only guy on the roster that looks like a substitute high school teacher. I like the new A.I. (but he's not a #1 guy, 10.5ppg so far this series), Young, Evans, and Smith. Haven't really drunk the Kool-Aid on Lou Williams yet, probably never will on Dalembert.
If they win this next game to go up 3-2, I will start to care about the sixers again. I promise.
If this sounds like a Super-college team, you're right. There's a lot to like on this team, most of all the point guard. He's the only guy on the roster that looks like a substitute high school teacher. I like the new A.I. (but he's not a #1 guy, 10.5ppg so far this series), Young, Evans, and Smith. Haven't really drunk the Kool-Aid on Lou Williams yet, probably never will on Dalembert.
If they win this next game to go up 3-2, I will start to care about the sixers again. I promise.
Saturday, April 26, 2008
The Right Fit
Greetings,
I had been preparing a blog with 5 thoughts about each of the 4 local teams here, but stupid things like my "job" and "wife" kept getting in the way and due to the ever changing Philadelphia sports landscape, it became outdated, so you're stuck with this.
The gutsy play of the Flyers has made me become a hockey fan again. I've always been a Flyers fans, but the state of the NHL lately has led me to watch only Flyers games. I'm writing this during intermissions during Games 2 of the Eastern Semifinals between the fags, er uh Habs and the Flyboys. Several Flyers games recently have had goals givne up due to broken sticks. I'm sorry but can't we start using wooden sticks again? I know the composite, graphite, fiberglass, etc sticks may allow better shots but what good are they if they break constantly and give up goals or nullify potential goals? ( I am talking to your Carter and Richards) Marty Biron has been playing out of his mind. In my humble opinion, the Flyboys are playing with house money ( shoutout to Ballz M.) and a series win at this point would be a wonderful thing. I keep waiting for Koharski to go Tonya Harding on Biron as the Flyers are boarding the plane back to Philly.
The Sixers are up 2-1 on the Pistons and look like they are a potential upset team. I am a die hard Iverson fan. I was never in love with his off-the-court persona but he is Philly player through and through. The fact that he started all 82 games and averaged 26 point and 7 assists boggled my mind when I read it. That being said, if you would have told me on December 20.2006 that the Sixers would have gotten the better of the Iverson deal, I would have punched you in the face and insulted someone in your family. AI and Ivan McFarlin turned into Andre Miller,Thaddeus Young and Jason Smith. I was on record as HATING the Young pick at the time but he has proved me wrong. In 2 years I can see Young averaging 20 ppg and Smith being the next David Lee. Whether Miller is around or not at that point doesn't matter because he has shown a young team how to play the right way. Predicition: Sixers in 7.
The Birds traded their first rounder (19th overall) and the Panthers selected Jeff Otah from Pitt, who I wanted the Birds to select. I don't think that the Panthers are having a great 2008 season and I am suddenly ok with this since they selected Trevor Laws from Notre Dame ( play like a champion today) and DeSean Jackson in Round 2. This pleases me on two levels: We have a big fat guy from Notre Dame who will stuff Barber against the Cowgirls and a little WR who can return punts ( shut up about the WR) now. The fact that Lito is still an Eagle stuns me. Hopefully they hold onto him or work a big deal out with someone. Either way, Go Birds.
This brings me to our beloved Phils: WOW. (Sorry, the Flyers just won 4-2. Let's see the NHL try to eff us in Game 3). They are only 13-11 (pending tonight's outcome) but take the 1 and 2 hitters out of any team and let their cleanup hitter bat .180 with 37 SO and let's see how well they do. Utley and Burrell have played out of their minds and they are the only things keeping me from murdering Ryan Howard in cold blood. (note: Phils WIN!!!! 14-11)
(Author's note: at this point in the blog I decided celebrate the Phillies and Flyers wins with a World Series of Beer Pong. I defeated the Rook 4 games to 1 and 4-0. I'm good like that. I didn't change anything I wrote prior to leaving, I'll just add some Sixers thoughts and be on my way)
The Sixers ( namely Andre Igo-Igo-uh-dala-um- Igojustcostmyselfdollars) need to put away the Pistons when they take quarters, halves or games off. The Pistons are notorious for doing this and the Sixers could very well a 3-1 series lead right now. I thought Sixers in 6 initially but I wouldn't be shocked if it went 7 at this point.
Anyway, the reason for the title of this blog was a trip I took the the mall to look into a fitted Phillies hat. I just wanted the standard red hat. A couple of things really bothered me, namely the price of the hat. Do you know that a New Era fitted hat costs $32?!?!? WTF? Even with my discount card it would still run me about $27 with tax. That's ridiculous. The last time I had a fitted Phillies hat was in 1994. I remember this because I bought a bronzed MLB 125th anniversary pin that went on the back of the hat and I Googled it ( ah to be young and dumb instead of old and nerdy). The price back then was probably around $20, still a lot for the time. Man, I wish I bought stock in New Era. My head is gigantic and I knew my size from a fitted Sixers hat I owned a few years ago. I tried it on and no dice. I went the next size up and was interuppted by a young man who asked me if I was looking for a "hot fitted". When I responded that I was just looking he left me alone to cry about my Bonds sized dome. I looked at some other Phillies hats and was shocked to find about 100 different variations. Two in particular bothered me, one being Mets colors (blue hat with orange lettering) and Oakland A's colors (green hat with yelloe lettering). Are the folks at New Era really that desparate to sell hats they they would pick the colors of the Phillies biggest rivals and their former Philly baseball team? Complicating matters were a bunch of teenagers trying on oversized hats that they cocked to the side.
I may sound like my dad here but what are these kids thinking? I hate the oversized hats, maybe because they don't make a size for me bigger than 10. I also hate the fact that people leave the stickers on the brim. My cousin does this and I always rip the sticker off when I see him (I'm not his favorite). There were few Mets fans that I wanted to do this to at a game but they would have punched a cop or something. Enough with the color variations too. If you truly support your team, buy the colors that they wear on the field. A throwback that is true to the specs is fine, just keep it simple. Take off the sticker and bend the brim a bit. If you forget you fitted hat size, it's stitched into the sweatband. I may be old but the only people who shouldn't bend a brim at least slightly are 80 year old guys. Buy a hat that fits you and you'll be fine. So, to sum it up: go ahead and spend $32.00 to support your team. But if you do so, buy the right size, lose the sticker, bend the brim,stick to basics and for pete's sake, either wear it to the straight and to the front or straight and to the back. That is all. Go Phils.
I had been preparing a blog with 5 thoughts about each of the 4 local teams here, but stupid things like my "job" and "wife" kept getting in the way and due to the ever changing Philadelphia sports landscape, it became outdated, so you're stuck with this.
The gutsy play of the Flyers has made me become a hockey fan again. I've always been a Flyers fans, but the state of the NHL lately has led me to watch only Flyers games. I'm writing this during intermissions during Games 2 of the Eastern Semifinals between the fags, er uh Habs and the Flyboys. Several Flyers games recently have had goals givne up due to broken sticks. I'm sorry but can't we start using wooden sticks again? I know the composite, graphite, fiberglass, etc sticks may allow better shots but what good are they if they break constantly and give up goals or nullify potential goals? ( I am talking to your Carter and Richards) Marty Biron has been playing out of his mind. In my humble opinion, the Flyboys are playing with house money ( shoutout to Ballz M.) and a series win at this point would be a wonderful thing. I keep waiting for Koharski to go Tonya Harding on Biron as the Flyers are boarding the plane back to Philly.
The Sixers are up 2-1 on the Pistons and look like they are a potential upset team. I am a die hard Iverson fan. I was never in love with his off-the-court persona but he is Philly player through and through. The fact that he started all 82 games and averaged 26 point and 7 assists boggled my mind when I read it. That being said, if you would have told me on December 20.2006 that the Sixers would have gotten the better of the Iverson deal, I would have punched you in the face and insulted someone in your family. AI and Ivan McFarlin turned into Andre Miller,Thaddeus Young and Jason Smith. I was on record as HATING the Young pick at the time but he has proved me wrong. In 2 years I can see Young averaging 20 ppg and Smith being the next David Lee. Whether Miller is around or not at that point doesn't matter because he has shown a young team how to play the right way. Predicition: Sixers in 7.
The Birds traded their first rounder (19th overall) and the Panthers selected Jeff Otah from Pitt, who I wanted the Birds to select. I don't think that the Panthers are having a great 2008 season and I am suddenly ok with this since they selected Trevor Laws from Notre Dame ( play like a champion today) and DeSean Jackson in Round 2. This pleases me on two levels: We have a big fat guy from Notre Dame who will stuff Barber against the Cowgirls and a little WR who can return punts ( shut up about the WR) now. The fact that Lito is still an Eagle stuns me. Hopefully they hold onto him or work a big deal out with someone. Either way, Go Birds.
This brings me to our beloved Phils: WOW. (Sorry, the Flyers just won 4-2. Let's see the NHL try to eff us in Game 3). They are only 13-11 (pending tonight's outcome) but take the 1 and 2 hitters out of any team and let their cleanup hitter bat .180 with 37 SO and let's see how well they do. Utley and Burrell have played out of their minds and they are the only things keeping me from murdering Ryan Howard in cold blood. (note: Phils WIN!!!! 14-11)
(Author's note: at this point in the blog I decided celebrate the Phillies and Flyers wins with a World Series of Beer Pong. I defeated the Rook 4 games to 1 and 4-0. I'm good like that. I didn't change anything I wrote prior to leaving, I'll just add some Sixers thoughts and be on my way)
The Sixers ( namely Andre Igo-Igo-uh-dala-um- Igojustcostmyselfdollars) need to put away the Pistons when they take quarters, halves or games off. The Pistons are notorious for doing this and the Sixers could very well a 3-1 series lead right now. I thought Sixers in 6 initially but I wouldn't be shocked if it went 7 at this point.
Anyway, the reason for the title of this blog was a trip I took the the mall to look into a fitted Phillies hat. I just wanted the standard red hat. A couple of things really bothered me, namely the price of the hat. Do you know that a New Era fitted hat costs $32?!?!? WTF? Even with my discount card it would still run me about $27 with tax. That's ridiculous. The last time I had a fitted Phillies hat was in 1994. I remember this because I bought a bronzed MLB 125th anniversary pin that went on the back of the hat and I Googled it ( ah to be young and dumb instead of old and nerdy). The price back then was probably around $20, still a lot for the time. Man, I wish I bought stock in New Era. My head is gigantic and I knew my size from a fitted Sixers hat I owned a few years ago. I tried it on and no dice. I went the next size up and was interuppted by a young man who asked me if I was looking for a "hot fitted". When I responded that I was just looking he left me alone to cry about my Bonds sized dome. I looked at some other Phillies hats and was shocked to find about 100 different variations. Two in particular bothered me, one being Mets colors (blue hat with orange lettering) and Oakland A's colors (green hat with yelloe lettering). Are the folks at New Era really that desparate to sell hats they they would pick the colors of the Phillies biggest rivals and their former Philly baseball team? Complicating matters were a bunch of teenagers trying on oversized hats that they cocked to the side.
I may sound like my dad here but what are these kids thinking? I hate the oversized hats, maybe because they don't make a size for me bigger than 10. I also hate the fact that people leave the stickers on the brim. My cousin does this and I always rip the sticker off when I see him (I'm not his favorite). There were few Mets fans that I wanted to do this to at a game but they would have punched a cop or something. Enough with the color variations too. If you truly support your team, buy the colors that they wear on the field. A throwback that is true to the specs is fine, just keep it simple. Take off the sticker and bend the brim a bit. If you forget you fitted hat size, it's stitched into the sweatband. I may be old but the only people who shouldn't bend a brim at least slightly are 80 year old guys. Buy a hat that fits you and you'll be fine. So, to sum it up: go ahead and spend $32.00 to support your team. But if you do so, buy the right size, lose the sticker, bend the brim,stick to basics and for pete's sake, either wear it to the straight and to the front or straight and to the back. That is all. Go Phils.
Friday, April 25, 2008
Minutes of The First Board of Directors Meeting
We here at You CAN lose them all decided to have our first Board of Directors meeting at the Standard Tap here in Philly, and I'm going to provide you with a brief rundown of the night's events. Since we were watching the Flyers game most of the time, this is (arguably) sports-related. All times are approximate, and get more and more approximate as the night goes on.
6:25 p.m. I, Lovetron 4000, arrive at Standard Tap. Needless to say, Luis Zendejas is not yet there. He's never on time, despite arranging the entire meeting for 6 p.m. I greet two civilians (not authors but friends of L.Z.) and attempt to get a beer at the bar. I ask the bartender for a beer. I am informed that my waiter will be right around to my table (where the two civilians are sitting). I am astounded that this guy is not going to give me a beer. I must have somehow conveyed my annoyance non- verbally, because the bartender gets me a beer. I'm thinking this bar is very shaky.
6:35 p.m. L.Z. shows up. Despite promising to bring cheesesteaks for all in attendance, he has no cheesesteaks. This night is not looking good.
6:45 p.m. While pretending to listen to LZ and civilians discuss computer stuff, I notice a girl at the bar, sitting by herself eating. Nice build, short, blond with obvious roots. Sundress. These are all positives. I'm a little bothered that she's eating in public-seems like something a girl who's taken would do-but I'm willing to overlook it, saint that I am. I put her on the hit list (yes, it's as awful as it sounds).
6:46 p.m. L.Z. distracts me, and when I turn around, i see that Sundress has moved outside and is smoking. Sorry Sundress, you're off the hit list. That's unsportsmanlike conduct. I'm sure she's devastated.
6:55 p.m. I call Ballz to see where the F he is, and if he knows where another civilian (we'll call him the OG) is. I am informed that the OG has been upstairs for 45 minutes. I call the OG, and he comes downstairs. Ballz shows up and orders a beer. we decide to settle up and head upstairs to try and sit outside, since it's such a nice day.
7:00 - we head upstairs.
7:02 - having found no available tables outside, we head back downstairs. despite sitting in a completely different section, we get the same waiter. He's wearing jeans, a black T-shirt, and he's just kind of funny-looking. He's also spectacularly disinterested in anything anyone says, including their drink and food orders. But I really don't mind these things; the beer is good, and a good IPA covers many sins. I'm thinking this place isn't so bad. Food is ordered.
7:43- Food arives. The french fries and very skinny and delicious. A civilian couple we're sitting with ordered the octopus something or other and the beet salad. I have no idea why anyone would order such things, but they like it. Somebody gets a stout, which smells like bourbon. I stick with my IPA.
8:30 - The conversation turns to physical intimacy, etc, etc. Always a good time. A recent study about certain preventative measures for prostate cancer has validated some social agendas, it seems.
9:00 - we settle up and head out.
9:02 - I have no idea where we are. Everyone decides to go to a bar on Third street, which should be simple to find considering Philaldephia's gridlike street layout. Nevertheless, there is a hotly debated intersection at which everyone decided to turn left.
9:15 - on the way to our destination, we pass another bar. Despite this not being our destination, we all decide to go inside. We see no identifying markings on the outside of the bar. Upon entering, we realize it's Ortlieb's, a well known jazz bar. It looks classy. It's also completely deserted. we all sit down at the bar. The bartender has very pale skin, very red lipstick, a very red halter top, and treats me with very much distain. Needless to say, I'm in love.
9:20 - The bartender disappears for extended periods at a time. Apparantly, our romance has cooled. by now, I'm pretty much just watching the Flyers game.
9:30 - Everyone leaves except me and L.Z., who continue watching the Flyers game. Our bartender reappears, and pours me a draught with less than open disgust. I'm thinking that this is a positive development.
9:35 - Ballz reappears. His car has been towed, due to his parking in a no-parking zone, which was blacked out. Normally this would be bad, but he's got the future Mrs. Ballz' car, because he had a flat. This is now very not good. Double-plus ungood good, if you can dig it.
9:45 - I offer to drive Ballz home, and tell him not to have his brother come get him. I verbally berate him. We decide to head to another bar on 3rd.
9:50 - We arrive at the bar on 3rd. I notice a girl sitting at the bar with very nice calves. L.Z. and I discuss. Ballz is texting an argument back and forth with his significant other. I inform him that this is not a good idea, but he continues. L.Z. tells me that this place is not like it used to be. I do not share in that assessment, since I'd never been there before. We order cheesesteak empanadas and quesadillas, which are good. L.Z. and I agree that our hostess has a bubbly demeanor, which I appreciate. I consider putting her on the hit list. Our waitress, despite her proficiency, just doesn't seem like much fun. I tell Ballz we'll leave at 10, which he knows is a lie.
10:15 - We arrive back at standard tap, where L.Z. orders a pitcher. Ballz is most displeased, which he voices loudly in my direction. I, being a man of honor, respond to such an affront in the manner with which it was given. We continue screaming at each other until L.Z. asks us to stop, as it is making him uncomfortable. We then discuss the BS call that led the Flyers to their loss.
10:47- Standard tap, this time for good. Ballz and I successfully navigate the streets to my car. He gets home, I get home, everybody wins. Another successful board meeting.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
OH YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!
The Flyers bested the Washington Ovechkins in overtime last night, 3-2. Sure, some calls went our way. The game MVP was whichever Capitals defenseman plowed their goalie over to allow the second Flyers goal. The Flyers kept playing their semi-skilled game (throw the puck at the net, and let good things happen), and they prevailed.
Tip of the Cap: Joffrey Lupul, who scored the game winner in overtime. He's come back from some odd injuries this year (like a spinal cord contusion-ouch), and it's nice to see him get rewarded. Even if the goal was sort of crappy.
Wag of the finger: a)Shoanne Morrisonn. He's the afore-mentioned defenseman who crashed into Capitals goalie Cristobal Huet, allowing Sami Kapanen to score the Flyer's second goal.
b) Capitals fans. Way to show class by throwing things on the ice during the Flyer's celebration and postgame handshake. Funny, I didn't see anything about it in the news. I get the feeling things might have been different if it happened in Philly.
Quote of the Game: "We're a relatively new team . . . and you need things like this to really create a bond with your team."- Flyers Coach John Stevens
Tip of the Cap/Wag of the Finger via the Colbert Report
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
The Greatest Thing Ever
Picture via the700level.Here's one of the best posts I've read in years. Mets fans, Citizens Bank Park accepts your money. If you purchase a ticket, you have as much of a right to be there as anyone else.
That being said, Shut up. This is not your home. Your presence is tolerated rather than welcomed, and we don't like it when obnoxious people do obnoxious things. Very few of you are from New York City, and none of you practice proper hygiene. So back off a bit, sit down, and enjoy the game.
Also, don't take swings at cops. They hate that.
The Russians Attack!
Yes, I told you so. And it brings me no comfort. The Flyers lost Game 6 to the Capitals last night, 4-2, just as Nostradamus here predicted.These last two games remind me of the beginning of Red Dawn, were the Russians are 
parachuting in and shooting up schools. It just feels like there's no way to stop them. Is your big bearded history teacher talking about the Mongol horde in some clumsy foreshadowing device? Dead. You've got a bumper sticker that says 'You can have this gun when you pry it from my cold, dead fingers?' A General with a big F-U mustache will come by and do just that. You just killed a deer? You have to drink its blood. Bad times.
parachuting in and shooting up schools. It just feels like there's no way to stop them. Is your big bearded history teacher talking about the Mongol horde in some clumsy foreshadowing device? Dead. You've got a bumper sticker that says 'You can have this gun when you pry it from my cold, dead fingers?' A General with a big F-U mustache will come by and do just that. You just killed a deer? You have to drink its blood. Bad times. It's clear that we need a hero to come banish these Russians from our soil. We need someone to step up and lead. We need one of the Wolverines. Who's available? (Movie quotes below in BOLD, for effect.)
Jed Eckert: ...Well, who is on our side?
Col. Andy Tanner: Six hundred million screaming Chinamen.
Darryl Bates: Last I heard, there were a billion screaming Chinamen.
Col. Andy Tanner: There were.
Charlie Sheen, while not currently battling any serious illness (are crabs serious?) doesn't seem like he's the mountain man type anymore. Did you see his new show? Seems sorta prissy.
The Colonel: All that hate's gonna burn you up, kid.
Robert: It keeps me warm.
Jennifer Grey got several nose jobs, and looks unrecognizable. Oddly, she looks a lot better, it's just that she looks like everyone else. She's also grown soft, a far cry from her bazooka-wielding days. She's out.
The Colonel: You think you're tough for eating beans every day? There's half a million scarecrows in Denver who'd give anything for one mouthful of what you got. They've been under siege for about three months. They live on rats and sawdust bread and sometimes... on each other. At night, the pyres for the dead light up the sky. It's medieval.
Surely there must be someone left--someone who can play the hero. Who do we have who's got the moxie, the pinache, the pure guts to pull this off?
Briere: "Mom, the kids at school took my lunch money again! "
I've got a bad feeling about this.
Admit it. This is Kinda Funny.
At Wrigley Field in Chicago, T-shirt were being sold -until recently-which bore the "Horry Kow!" image on the front and Fukudome's name and number on the back.
While I can certainly understand the Asian community's disapproval, I can't quite summon any moral outrage. The Cubs fans love this guy, and designed a T-shirt which plays upon his heritage and legendary Cubs broadcaster Harry Caray, who's famous catchphrase was "Holy Cow!" (It's no "Bring me your finest meats and cheeses," but those were simpler times).
This is not the first tasteless T-shirt worn by a baseball fan--I'm thinking of "A-rod Swallows" and "Jeter likes Coldplay" shirts worn by Boston fans--and it won't be the last. Should the President wear it on an official visit to Japan? Probably not. Should a Cubs fan be able to wear it to games? Absolutely. Should other Cubs fans be able to heckle the wearer for his ethnically insenstive attire? Absolutely. It's called free speech, and that's how we do bidness around here.
Via Deadspin.
Now Paging Doctor Anybody
On Sunday, April 20, the Phillies put Jimmy Rollins on the 15-day DL. Rollins was originally hurt on April 8th at Shea Stadium, and listed as "day-to-day." Scuttlebutt heard on local talk radio is that Rollins did not get an MRI until April 16. Rollins continued to be called upon to pinch hit in nearly every game, despite being in obvious discomfort walking, swinging the bat, and generally performing acts necessary to play baseball.
[Urge to kill rising....RISING....RISING!!!]
If this all seems vaguely familiar, that's because the Phillies medical staff is completely incompetent, and/or the Phillies habitually lie to their fans. Let's recap the last two seasons, shall we?
Tom Gordon: sent back to Philadelphia in Spring of '07, which the Phillies claimed was a regularly scheduled check up. [LIE] They then claimed Gordon was suffered from biceps tendinitis [LIE]. Gordon was then put on the 15-day DL, which turned into the 60-day DL. Turns out, Tom Gordon has a fairly serious shoulder issue (either a partial rotator cuff tear or a frayed bursa sac in the shoulder), and surgery would end his career. So we give him the eighth inning.
Freddy Garcia: The Phillies traded for Freddy Garcia before last season, despite reports from scouts and media that he had lost approximately 10 mph off his fastball. The Phillies then did not have him examined by team doctors prior to making the trade official. Garcia opened the season on the DL with "biceps tendinitis."[LIE] Freddy Garcia made 11 starts, collected 1 win, and was paid 10 million dollars before going down for the season with a right shoulder injury which required surgery.
Brett Myers: Last season, Myers was put on the 15 day disabled list on May 25, with what was called a "strained right shoulder." Myers did not pitch again until July 28, more than 60 days later. No clarification of his injury was provided.
Ryan Madson: Madson was placed on the 15-day DL on July 30 last year, again with the ever-popular "shoulder strain." He did not pitch again that season. No clarification of his injury was ever provided.
Forgive me, then, if I believe that Rollins' injury might be more serious than what I'm being told. The Phillies front office is apparently not good with facts, and the doctors aren't all that good at doctoring. Other than that, no reason to worry.
Monday, April 21, 2008
These Lines of Lightning Mean We're Never Alone
This is no big deal. My mind tells me this. The Flyers are still up 3-2 in the series, and have the Capitals on the ropes in game six tonight at the Wachovia Center.
It is very difficult to come back from a three games to one deficit and win a series. The last team to do it was the 2004 Montreal Canadiens, who beat the Boston Bruins in seven. A comeback under these circumstances would be highly improbable. My mind tells me this.
The Flyers have largely contained the Ovechkin menace in this series; he has only one goal and five points in five playoff games thus far. One game is merely a statistical anomaly. The facts, properly calculated, are clearly in my favor.
All the signs point to victory. My conscious self recognizes the data, recieves it and processes it yielding the conclusion that the Flyers should win this playoff series.
And yet there is an unformed thought which dances in the fog at the periphery of my reason. It is a malice made all the more forbidding by its lack of shape, a fear with no name. A sense that despite all signs to the contrary, something is amiss. Something is wrong here, very wrong.
Remember, dear friends, that Leonidas was winning the battle of Thermopylae immediately before he was betrayed. It is always in that moment when we reach out for certain victory that we are defeated. Those whom Fate would humble she must first make proud.
I fear the predators lying in wait outside the reach of our campfire's light. I fear icy fingers of the shapeless night. I fear...
The Caveman.
Pick: Flyers 2, Capitals 4.
Phillies Recap: Mets take 2 of 3 in weekend series
In an effort to bring you the most extensive Phils coverage, the effervescent Phillies Superfan Ballz D. McGuillicuty will be providing you with his insights after every Phils game. Hold onto your butts.
The Good:
Chase Utley. Here's his numbers from the weekend tilt. 6-11, 4 HR, 6 RBI. Homered in each game, twice in the series finale, most likley sensing that one dinger in each of the previous two games wasn't enough to get the job done. He now leads MLB in home runs with 8 and is batting a robust .351. Utley is doing everything in his power to pick up the slack for the missing Jimmy Rollins (more on him later). And for those who think Utley can't hit lefties because for some reason, most left-handed hitters can not hit southpaw pitchers...Chase is batting .308 with 4 of his 8 long balls off of lefties.
Starting Pitching. Every one of the outings by the starter's was good enough to win. Especially in Citizen's Bank Ballpark. Especially with this supposed thunderous lineup. Especially in 80 degree heat. Yet none of them came out victorious and two of the 3 wound up on the losing end. The Phillies continue to get fairly solid starting pitching. Adam Eaton has already given the team more this season then he did all last year. Moyer has thrown well ever since his rocky season debut. Hamels and Myers are now giving you what we expected from them coming into the year. Kendrick is really the only member not pulling his weight right now, but even his last start was quite solid. The pitching staff reminds you of the Eagles defense for many years; bend, don't break. Here's some staggering numbers: .252, .295, .327, .362, .375. Those are the opponent's batting averages against the Phillies rotation this season. Yikes.
The Rivalry. This is turning into something good. Was down at the game on Saturday. I'll admit it, the Philadelphia fans were a little rowdy, but so were the New Yorkers who made the trip. Saw some entertaining signs in the crowd (although none as clever as my favorite crowd sign of all time; Targeted at the highly talented yet exceptionally disinterested in playing baseball first baseman, Travis Lee, the sign read simply: Travis Leave). There was a fight or two. But most of the verbal sparring was good natured, even if R-rated due to a combination of competitive games and overpriced alcohol. Even I, somewhat intoxicated and somewhat belligerent, let the moment get the better of me. Yes, it was me trying to drown out the Let's Go Mets chants with my own version of the jingle,
referencing methods of post-game celebration that I unjustly (perhaps) accused Mets' players of sharing with each other. But at the end of the day, it was an enjoyable game made even better by the level of contempt that has quickly developed over the past couple of seasons.
Couple of quick notes on things I don't get though, while we're discussing this rivalry. I listened to a little bit of NY sports talk on my ride into work this morning and I heard a couple of people call up with the same story. "I drove down to the game with my 10 year old niece and 8 year old nephew. We were taking my nephew to the game for his birthday. He's a big Mets fan. We're all dressed in our Mets gear and people start yelling obscenities at us, for no reason."
Ok, let's get a couple of things straight. First, there was a reason; you were openly supporting the hated opponent. Second, this happens in every city, at least any city that cares about their sports teams. I've been to Mets games wearing my Phillies attire. It's no picnic. Third, we don't scream at your kids. This does not mean that bringing kids with you means you're exempt from the verbal abuse, but rest assured that it is all directed at you and not the children. Listen, everyone knows how this works. If you're going to a game in hostile territory, you can feel somewhat confident that if you come dressed in plain garb and support your team through typical cheering, you'll be fine. If you're decked out in your Doc Gooden jersey, waving your orange foam finger and singing the winner of most annoying baseball diddly award (Jose, Jose, Jose, Jose...), you're equally to blame. I would expect the same treatment if I trekked into Shea wearing my red 'Our second baseman actually is the age he claims' tee shirt.
Second, and this was the thing that perplexed me the most. I'm not one to even yell things at opposing fans who employ such tactics as outlined above. However, when those same fans react to a positive play for their squad by turning and directing their celebration specifically at particular people, as if the fat guy in his Ken Howell jersey with nacho cheese on his chin (come to think of it, maybe that was Ken Howell) just threw the last pitch, it's fairly infuriating. Slap hands with your buddy, yell how much Ryan Howard sucks but don't tell me how David Wright had sex with my mom and that double he just hit proves it.
The Bad:
Ryan Howard. Compare his numbers with Utley's over the series. 1-13. 0 R, 0 RBI, 6K, 8 LOB. There is no reason right now that Howard shouldn't be batting 5th with Burrell hitting 4th, other then Manuel is scared to make the move for fear of hurting the big man's ego. The Mets blatantly pitched around Utley twice on Saturday when there were men on base because they'd rather face Howard. I am confident that he'll turn it around but right now he's killing us, especially without Rollins to help pick up the slack. Hoping that the 3 righties they're facing in the next 4 games, all with ERA over 5, including one over 7, will be the medicine for what ails him.
Jimmy Rollins FINALLY on DL: This should've happened two weeks ago. We've played shorthanded for two weeks and now this decision is made? Rollins almost fell over from his ankle giving out in his first pinch hit at bat and he had to be replaced in his 3rd pinch hit at bat after singling. It was painfully obvious, pun intended, that this move needed to be made, yet it wasn't. Until now. Despicable.
Non-Philadelphia Media: Speaking of despicable. Outsiders criticized fans for presumably booing Reyes when he jammed his neck trying to steal second on Friday night. This is typical uninformed journalists just running with a story about Philadelphia fans booing an injured opponent again. In reality, no one booed Reyes until it was obvious that he was not seriously hurt. Fans started voicing their displeasure when Reyes took about 10 minutes to decide whether or not he was going to stay in the game. He took so long that Hamels had to throw more
pitches to stay warm and sure enough his first pitch after the long delay was stroked for an RBI triple. Philadelphian's booed while Jose took practice runs in the baseline, not when he was down on the ground. What actually was a display of a high level of understanding of the game was written about as though we were savages. Philadelphia fans have a reputation and it is not totally undeserved, but please get the facts straight before rolling out the Santa Claus snowball stories.
JC Romero with inherited runners: I don't have the stats right now, but I will, but JC is a different pitcher when he starts an inning versus when he comes in mid-inning. Friday's 0-3 attempt at stranding runners illustrates the point.
The Hero:
Either had to be Utley or David Wright, as the two most productive players throughout the series. Seeing as the Mets won 2 of 3, Wright gets the nod.
The Goat:
Howard, for all the reasons mentioned above.
The Bottom Line:
Winning that game last night was big. Even though they only took one of 3, winning last night is a 2 game swing. And it makes the 7 game road trip that the Phils head on now at least start with a little momentum and good feelings. Kendrick takes the hill in Colorado tonight, a good place to be a sinker ball pitcher. I don't have a good feeling though. Prediction: Rockies 7, Phillies 6. Utley doesnt go yard again, but Feliz will.
The Good:
Chase Utley. Here's his numbers from the weekend tilt. 6-11, 4 HR, 6 RBI. Homered in each game, twice in the series finale, most likley sensing that one dinger in each of the previous two games wasn't enough to get the job done. He now leads MLB in home runs with 8 and is batting a robust .351. Utley is doing everything in his power to pick up the slack for the missing Jimmy Rollins (more on him later). And for those who think Utley can't hit lefties because for some reason, most left-handed hitters can not hit southpaw pitchers...Chase is batting .308 with 4 of his 8 long balls off of lefties.
Starting Pitching. Every one of the outings by the starter's was good enough to win. Especially in Citizen's Bank Ballpark. Especially with this supposed thunderous lineup. Especially in 80 degree heat. Yet none of them came out victorious and two of the 3 wound up on the losing end. The Phillies continue to get fairly solid starting pitching. Adam Eaton has already given the team more this season then he did all last year. Moyer has thrown well ever since his rocky season debut. Hamels and Myers are now giving you what we expected from them coming into the year. Kendrick is really the only member not pulling his weight right now, but even his last start was quite solid. The pitching staff reminds you of the Eagles defense for many years; bend, don't break. Here's some staggering numbers: .252, .295, .327, .362, .375. Those are the opponent's batting averages against the Phillies rotation this season. Yikes.
The Rivalry. This is turning into something good. Was down at the game on Saturday. I'll admit it, the Philadelphia fans were a little rowdy, but so were the New Yorkers who made the trip. Saw some entertaining signs in the crowd (although none as clever as my favorite crowd sign of all time; Targeted at the highly talented yet exceptionally disinterested in playing baseball first baseman, Travis Lee, the sign read simply: Travis Leave). There was a fight or two. But most of the verbal sparring was good natured, even if R-rated due to a combination of competitive games and overpriced alcohol. Even I, somewhat intoxicated and somewhat belligerent, let the moment get the better of me. Yes, it was me trying to drown out the Let's Go Mets chants with my own version of the jingle,
referencing methods of post-game celebration that I unjustly (perhaps) accused Mets' players of sharing with each other. But at the end of the day, it was an enjoyable game made even better by the level of contempt that has quickly developed over the past couple of seasons.Couple of quick notes on things I don't get though, while we're discussing this rivalry. I listened to a little bit of NY sports talk on my ride into work this morning and I heard a couple of people call up with the same story. "I drove down to the game with my 10 year old niece and 8 year old nephew. We were taking my nephew to the game for his birthday. He's a big Mets fan. We're all dressed in our Mets gear and people start yelling obscenities at us, for no reason."
Ok, let's get a couple of things straight. First, there was a reason; you were openly supporting the hated opponent. Second, this happens in every city, at least any city that cares about their sports teams. I've been to Mets games wearing my Phillies attire. It's no picnic. Third, we don't scream at your kids. This does not mean that bringing kids with you means you're exempt from the verbal abuse, but rest assured that it is all directed at you and not the children. Listen, everyone knows how this works. If you're going to a game in hostile territory, you can feel somewhat confident that if you come dressed in plain garb and support your team through typical cheering, you'll be fine. If you're decked out in your Doc Gooden jersey, waving your orange foam finger and singing the winner of most annoying baseball diddly award (Jose, Jose, Jose, Jose...), you're equally to blame. I would expect the same treatment if I trekked into Shea wearing my red 'Our second baseman actually is the age he claims' tee shirt.
Second, and this was the thing that perplexed me the most. I'm not one to even yell things at opposing fans who employ such tactics as outlined above. However, when those same fans react to a positive play for their squad by turning and directing their celebration specifically at particular people, as if the fat guy in his Ken Howell jersey with nacho cheese on his chin (come to think of it, maybe that was Ken Howell) just threw the last pitch, it's fairly infuriating. Slap hands with your buddy, yell how much Ryan Howard sucks but don't tell me how David Wright had sex with my mom and that double he just hit proves it.
The Bad:
Ryan Howard. Compare his numbers with Utley's over the series. 1-13. 0 R, 0 RBI, 6K, 8 LOB. There is no reason right now that Howard shouldn't be batting 5th with Burrell hitting 4th, other then Manuel is scared to make the move for fear of hurting the big man's ego. The Mets blatantly pitched around Utley twice on Saturday when there were men on base because they'd rather face Howard. I am confident that he'll turn it around but right now he's killing us, especially without Rollins to help pick up the slack. Hoping that the 3 righties they're facing in the next 4 games, all with ERA over 5, including one over 7, will be the medicine for what ails him.
Jimmy Rollins FINALLY on DL: This should've happened two weeks ago. We've played shorthanded for two weeks and now this decision is made? Rollins almost fell over from his ankle giving out in his first pinch hit at bat and he had to be replaced in his 3rd pinch hit at bat after singling. It was painfully obvious, pun intended, that this move needed to be made, yet it wasn't. Until now. Despicable.
Non-Philadelphia Media: Speaking of despicable. Outsiders criticized fans for presumably booing Reyes when he jammed his neck trying to steal second on Friday night. This is typical uninformed journalists just running with a story about Philadelphia fans booing an injured opponent again. In reality, no one booed Reyes until it was obvious that he was not seriously hurt. Fans started voicing their displeasure when Reyes took about 10 minutes to decide whether or not he was going to stay in the game. He took so long that Hamels had to throw more
pitches to stay warm and sure enough his first pitch after the long delay was stroked for an RBI triple. Philadelphian's booed while Jose took practice runs in the baseline, not when he was down on the ground. What actually was a display of a high level of understanding of the game was written about as though we were savages. Philadelphia fans have a reputation and it is not totally undeserved, but please get the facts straight before rolling out the Santa Claus snowball stories.JC Romero with inherited runners: I don't have the stats right now, but I will, but JC is a different pitcher when he starts an inning versus when he comes in mid-inning. Friday's 0-3 attempt at stranding runners illustrates the point.
The Hero:
Either had to be Utley or David Wright, as the two most productive players throughout the series. Seeing as the Mets won 2 of 3, Wright gets the nod.
The Goat:
Howard, for all the reasons mentioned above.
The Bottom Line:
Winning that game last night was big. Even though they only took one of 3, winning last night is a 2 game swing. And it makes the 7 game road trip that the Phils head on now at least start with a little momentum and good feelings. Kendrick takes the hill in Colorado tonight, a good place to be a sinker ball pitcher. I don't have a good feeling though. Prediction: Rockies 7, Phillies 6. Utley doesnt go yard again, but Feliz will.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
R.I.P. Johnny Marz
I received the sad news of the death of John Marzano lats night via text message from one of my fellow authors here on the site: " John Marzano died"
As I took a second to take this information in, I could only offer one response: " Holy ****" Johnny Marz was just 45 years old and was just starting to move forward with his writing and hosting a radio show for MLB.com. When I first heard about his new gig at MLB.com, I was happy for him but sad as well because it meant I would hear less of his insightful commentary of 610 WIP. His occasional guest appearances were always welcome and made you realize just how bad you missed good old Johnny Marz.
Marzano was a great example of a Philadelphian and our sports teams in general. His stats were not spectacular, he hit just .241 with 11 HR and 72 RBIs in 794 AB in 301 career games. This isn't a knock on him by any means, it just shows why some less skilled athletes excel on radio, TV, and are able to give such well thought out commentary and breakdowns. Johnny Marz could come on Phillies Postgame on Comcast and give a great breakdown that an informed fan and someone who had never even seen a baseball game could both enjoy. I'd like to think that his well thought out, easy to understand explanations expanded the knowledge of fans and even brought a few new fans to the Phillies and baseball in general. A 610 WIP personality like Hugh Douglas is beloved mainly for his on-field performance and has since received affection for his career in radio. Marz received such love for his take on sporting events, life in general and his work with the local community.
John Marzano could always be found teaching children how to play the game of baseball and many have said that he was willing to talk about baseball with anyone at any time. He LOVED the game and his passion showed through his breakdowns of players, writing, appearances on television and radio. While he only played in less than two full seasons, Johnny represented our country in the 1984 Olympics, starred at Temple for 3 years and taught the in and outs of the game to countless major leaguers. It's been said that those who can't do teach. Well, our fallen friend had a bit of do and a lot of teach.
We never realize what we have until it's gone and it couldn't be more true than in the case of John Marzano. I always appreciated him but because of his young age I never envisioned a world without him. As I watch or listen to each Phillies game this year and for the last few years, I cringe each time I hear Harry Kalas slip up or incorrectly call a play. It's not that I'm mad at him, it's that each time he does it I know he's that much closer to not being with us for those lazy summer nights. It to me a while to get used to life with Harry's best friend, Richie Ashburn. My childhood is filled with memories of the two going back and forth with old stories. Many Phillies fans will shed tears when Harry leaves us one day, hopefully under his own power and not because of a decision by the organization or God forbid death. Those same fans will shed tears of happiness when they think of fallen greats like Richie Ashburn,Tug McGraw, Reggie White, Jerome Brown, Pelle Lindbergh, Gene Hart, Wilt Chamberlain, and now John Marzano sharing stories over a cold one at some great bar in the sky. An unfortunate accident has robbed us of a great friend and Philadelphia sports personality. I feel a great sense of sadness for the Marzano family and baseball as a whole, especially in Philadelphia. The Phillies should honor Marzano with a fitting tribute given by Harry Kalas. A 45 year old man was taken from us far too soon and I still can't believe it. As his Royal Whiteness would say to his pal, " Hard to believe Harry."
As I took a second to take this information in, I could only offer one response: " Holy ****" Johnny Marz was just 45 years old and was just starting to move forward with his writing and hosting a radio show for MLB.com. When I first heard about his new gig at MLB.com, I was happy for him but sad as well because it meant I would hear less of his insightful commentary of 610 WIP. His occasional guest appearances were always welcome and made you realize just how bad you missed good old Johnny Marz.
Marzano was a great example of a Philadelphian and our sports teams in general. His stats were not spectacular, he hit just .241 with 11 HR and 72 RBIs in 794 AB in 301 career games. This isn't a knock on him by any means, it just shows why some less skilled athletes excel on radio, TV, and are able to give such well thought out commentary and breakdowns. Johnny Marz could come on Phillies Postgame on Comcast and give a great breakdown that an informed fan and someone who had never even seen a baseball game could both enjoy. I'd like to think that his well thought out, easy to understand explanations expanded the knowledge of fans and even brought a few new fans to the Phillies and baseball in general. A 610 WIP personality like Hugh Douglas is beloved mainly for his on-field performance and has since received affection for his career in radio. Marz received such love for his take on sporting events, life in general and his work with the local community.
John Marzano could always be found teaching children how to play the game of baseball and many have said that he was willing to talk about baseball with anyone at any time. He LOVED the game and his passion showed through his breakdowns of players, writing, appearances on television and radio. While he only played in less than two full seasons, Johnny represented our country in the 1984 Olympics, starred at Temple for 3 years and taught the in and outs of the game to countless major leaguers. It's been said that those who can't do teach. Well, our fallen friend had a bit of do and a lot of teach.
We never realize what we have until it's gone and it couldn't be more true than in the case of John Marzano. I always appreciated him but because of his young age I never envisioned a world without him. As I watch or listen to each Phillies game this year and for the last few years, I cringe each time I hear Harry Kalas slip up or incorrectly call a play. It's not that I'm mad at him, it's that each time he does it I know he's that much closer to not being with us for those lazy summer nights. It to me a while to get used to life with Harry's best friend, Richie Ashburn. My childhood is filled with memories of the two going back and forth with old stories. Many Phillies fans will shed tears when Harry leaves us one day, hopefully under his own power and not because of a decision by the organization or God forbid death. Those same fans will shed tears of happiness when they think of fallen greats like Richie Ashburn,Tug McGraw, Reggie White, Jerome Brown, Pelle Lindbergh, Gene Hart, Wilt Chamberlain, and now John Marzano sharing stories over a cold one at some great bar in the sky. An unfortunate accident has robbed us of a great friend and Philadelphia sports personality. I feel a great sense of sadness for the Marzano family and baseball as a whole, especially in Philadelphia. The Phillies should honor Marzano with a fitting tribute given by Harry Kalas. A 45 year old man was taken from us far too soon and I still can't believe it. As his Royal Whiteness would say to his pal, " Hard to believe Harry."
Friday, April 18, 2008
Oh-vech-Kin: "I No Eeen-glish!!"
Alexander Ovechkin displayed better command of the English language than he did the puck last night in the Capitals Game 4 loss to the Phlyers in Wah-cho-vee-ah Center (Sen-tahr). After the Caps first goal, which he assisted, Oh-vech-kin promptly put ice-side Flyers fans in their place by shouting a heavily-accented "FAHQK YOUUU!" - presumably a release of frustration. For sucking ass in the series. Naturally, we Flyers fans would rather have lost the game so that we could be angry and bitter at our little Capital Comrade. (wow, oxymoron there?) Which begs the question, is it better to lose and hate than win and forgive? I say "F Winning", I will always hate Scott Rolen on principle. Discuss.
Filthy Russian mouth at 1:11 below.The Philadelphia marathon
Last night was a big night for marathon sporting events. With the Rockies and Padres going 22 long innings and our Fly Guys giving 4 1/4 periods of playoff hockey. Thursday night is an example of why I love being a sports fan. My brother in law and I have been watching the Phillies and Flyers like it's our job ( God willing it will be one day) for the last few weeks. He stopped over and we watched the entire game together.
We stood up for the entirety of both OT periods and cheered and cursed every play. Why did we stand up for such a long time? Because we were both standing when Briere scored the game tying goal in the 3rd period. Die hard sports fans are an odd breed and we are no different. Does us standing make the Flyers better? Probably not. Does the fact that I " called" Mike Knuble scoring the game winner or my brother in law " The Rook" called Carter matter? No, but it is strange that they were both involved in the final play.
After the game was over, we listened to the player interviews and heard things like " We wish we could play tomorrow morning". These are the things that you want to hear from your players.
The Flyers are coming together at the right time and shutting down Ovechkin, who shall be referred to as Louganis from this point on due to his diving ability and homosexuality in stunning fashion. Every time Lougy touched the puck I uttered a curse word until the second OT. It was at this point that I realized that there is nothing he can do to stop the Flyers because one man can not stop this team. Tuesday and Thursday night are going to go down as two indelible sports memories for me. Tuesday for the Flyers dominating game 3 victory and the fact that I flipped back to the Phillies winning on Jenky's winning "run" after thinking that they were still down 3-0 and Thursday for the Phillies afternoon delight against old man Tejada and the 'Stros and the orange and black .
I have a ton of yardwork to do and I can't stop thinking about the Phils/Mets series and tomorrow's game 5. It's what makes me a fan, it's what makes Philadelphia sports great because I'm far from the only one. It's also why my wife hates me. The memories of Joe Carter in '93 and Stevens are starting to fade. Oh no, they're not, it's getting misty in the Power household. Maybe you CAN lose them all, but it's sure nice when you win a few.
We stood up for the entirety of both OT periods and cheered and cursed every play. Why did we stand up for such a long time? Because we were both standing when Briere scored the game tying goal in the 3rd period. Die hard sports fans are an odd breed and we are no different. Does us standing make the Flyers better? Probably not. Does the fact that I " called" Mike Knuble scoring the game winner or my brother in law " The Rook" called Carter matter? No, but it is strange that they were both involved in the final play.
After the game was over, we listened to the player interviews and heard things like " We wish we could play tomorrow morning". These are the things that you want to hear from your players.
The Flyers are coming together at the right time and shutting down Ovechkin, who shall be referred to as Louganis from this point on due to his diving ability and homosexuality in stunning fashion. Every time Lougy touched the puck I uttered a curse word until the second OT. It was at this point that I realized that there is nothing he can do to stop the Flyers because one man can not stop this team. Tuesday and Thursday night are going to go down as two indelible sports memories for me. Tuesday for the Flyers dominating game 3 victory and the fact that I flipped back to the Phillies winning on Jenky's winning "run" after thinking that they were still down 3-0 and Thursday for the Phillies afternoon delight against old man Tejada and the 'Stros and the orange and black .
I have a ton of yardwork to do and I can't stop thinking about the Phils/Mets series and tomorrow's game 5. It's what makes me a fan, it's what makes Philadelphia sports great because I'm far from the only one. It's also why my wife hates me. The memories of Joe Carter in '93 and Stevens are starting to fade. Oh no, they're not, it's getting misty in the Power household. Maybe you CAN lose them all, but it's sure nice when you win a few.
Phillies Recap: Phillies 10 Astros 2
In an effort to bring you the most extensive Phils coverage, the effervescent Phillies Superfan Ballz D. McGuillicuty will be providing you with his insights after every Phils game. Hold onto your butts.
The Good:
Total reversal from yesterday, the offense. Definitively a team effort with 7 players recording at least 2 hits each, 7 different players scoring a run and 5 different players batting in runs. Taguchi had a good game out of the leadoff spot and I think I would start an OF with Taguchi and Werth playing at the same time and assuming the 1-2 spots in the batting order for now. And Chris Coste needs to start the next couple of days. 4-5, 1 HR, 3 RBI now batting .400. I firmly believe if Charlie tuned into this blog, the Phillies would have at least one more victory today then they do.
The Bad: (Because even in victory, there is still defeat...)
Eric Bruntlett. Still just brutal at the plate. 16 hits. Every starter had at least 2, with the exception of Bruntlett and Myers, the former 0-5, the latter 0-3. At least Myers managed to draw a walk. Bruntty (need a better nickname for him) managed to strand 8 men on base by himself. And his highlight play of the game, a falling to the ground grab off an early inning line drive, was made to be far more difficult then it actually was. It should've been an easy double play but our man Eric stumbled over one of those pesky infield groundhogs and was lucky to get one out. Editors note: Upon further research, I've found that Bruntlett's nickname when he was on the Astros was 'Superman', reportedly awarded because of his ability to play multiple positions on the diamond. Digging deeper, this investigative journalist has discovered that the nickname actually originated from an awkward scene in which Bruntlett was seen running around Minute Maid Park in tights and a cape, shouting 'I don't want to live this lie any longer!'
Clay Condrey: Anyone else aware that the Phillies have signed veteran lefty Steve Kline to a minor league deal? Anyone else aware that Condrey stinks? Anyone else aware that the Phillies continue to baffle their fans with their roster moves, or more notably their lack there of? So what, if Condrey is out of options? You think anyone's gonna claim Clay, his hefty ERA and his amazing inability to pitch scoreless innings off waivers? This enough questions for everyone?
The Hero:
The bench. Taguchi, Dobbs and Coste combined to go 8 for 15 with 4 runs scored, 3 RBI and 0 strike outs.
The Goat:
Brandon Backe, becoming the only of the 6 starting pitchers in this series to not turn in a quality effort.
The Bottom Line:
This was a big win for the Phightins. This gives them 2 straight series wins and some momentum heading into this weekend's series vs the Mets. Now we get the potential classic, Hamels v Santana, tonight. Too often, games of this hype fail to live up to the expectations. However, sometimes they do; see Game 7 of the 1991 World Series, Jack Morris v John Smoltz, aka the greatest baseball game of my lifetime. Quick tidbit. I am setting the over/under at 2.5 for the number of times Howard strikes out tonight. Nothing I have seen this season, even with his HR yesterday, has inspired any hope in me whatsoever that he'll be able to touch Santana. But, I think the Phils take this one. Not quite an epic, but a good game: Phils 3 Mets 2. Predicted hero? Who else but Pat Burrell?
The Good:
Total reversal from yesterday, the offense. Definitively a team effort with 7 players recording at least 2 hits each, 7 different players scoring a run and 5 different players batting in runs. Taguchi had a good game out of the leadoff spot and I think I would start an OF with Taguchi and Werth playing at the same time and assuming the 1-2 spots in the batting order for now. And Chris Coste needs to start the next couple of days. 4-5, 1 HR, 3 RBI now batting .400. I firmly believe if Charlie tuned into this blog, the Phillies would have at least one more victory today then they do.
The Bad: (Because even in victory, there is still defeat...)
Eric Bruntlett. Still just brutal at the plate. 16 hits. Every starter had at least 2, with the exception of Bruntlett and Myers, the former 0-5, the latter 0-3. At least Myers managed to draw a walk. Bruntty (need a better nickname for him) managed to strand 8 men on base by himself. And his highlight play of the game, a falling to the ground grab off an early inning line drive, was made to be far more difficult then it actually was. It should've been an easy double play but our man Eric stumbled over one of those pesky infield groundhogs and was lucky to get one out. Editors note: Upon further research, I've found that Bruntlett's nickname when he was on the Astros was 'Superman', reportedly awarded because of his ability to play multiple positions on the diamond. Digging deeper, this investigative journalist has discovered that the nickname actually originated from an awkward scene in which Bruntlett was seen running around Minute Maid Park in tights and a cape, shouting 'I don't want to live this lie any longer!'
Clay Condrey: Anyone else aware that the Phillies have signed veteran lefty Steve Kline to a minor league deal? Anyone else aware that Condrey stinks? Anyone else aware that the Phillies continue to baffle their fans with their roster moves, or more notably their lack there of? So what, if Condrey is out of options? You think anyone's gonna claim Clay, his hefty ERA and his amazing inability to pitch scoreless innings off waivers? This enough questions for everyone?
The Hero:
The bench. Taguchi, Dobbs and Coste combined to go 8 for 15 with 4 runs scored, 3 RBI and 0 strike outs.
The Goat:
Brandon Backe, becoming the only of the 6 starting pitchers in this series to not turn in a quality effort.
The Bottom Line:
This was a big win for the Phightins. This gives them 2 straight series wins and some momentum heading into this weekend's series vs the Mets. Now we get the potential classic, Hamels v Santana, tonight. Too often, games of this hype fail to live up to the expectations. However, sometimes they do; see Game 7 of the 1991 World Series, Jack Morris v John Smoltz, aka the greatest baseball game of my lifetime. Quick tidbit. I am setting the over/under at 2.5 for the number of times Howard strikes out tonight. Nothing I have seen this season, even with his HR yesterday, has inspired any hope in me whatsoever that he'll be able to touch Santana. But, I think the Phils take this one. Not quite an epic, but a good game: Phils 3 Mets 2. Predicted hero? Who else but Pat Burrell?
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Allow myself to introduce..myself
I'm Maxxx, but you can call me Mr. Power . Everyone loves Maxxx Power. I am a huge fan of all 4 major sports teams in Philly. Nova is my local college hoops team even though I am a UNC fan ( it was a BS call Lovetron, even I agree). Optimism tends to rule most of my thoughts on my teams but I will complain from time to time and hopefully keep readers entertained. I write this as my beloved Flyers head to OT due a goal by Danny Briere the very second I got to my basement with my good luck charm ( my dog). Danny Boy has atoned for his early penalty ( who knew he had stones?) by scoring his 5th of the series ( I have already UPSed him some Capri Suns and Uncrustables). The Phillies 10-2 win earlier today gives me hope and send the Fightins into the crucial Mets series at .500 and gives our boy Cole a chance to play hero Friday night. I ran into Hamels in the CVS down street today and discussed the game with him. He's hoping the Phils wear their new cream alternates because it's his time of the month. I recommended the pads with wings and sent him on his way. It's time for some overtime playoff hockey, Let's Go Flyers. Den. Den. Den. Den.Den.
(By the way, thundersticks either look like giant Cheetos or something more phallic, you be the judge.)
(By the way, thundersticks either look like giant Cheetos or something more phallic, you be the judge.)
A drink that earns it's stripes
As an avid fan (one of 5) of the http://www.youcanlosethemall.blogspot.com/ blog page, I find myself agreeing with almost every blog I read from my three anonymous friends who use the page as an outlet for their frustrations, thoughts and happiness. I do take issue with the “haterade” given to “Gatorade Tiger” however. Tiger Woods make me sick and I hate him for obvious reasons. I plan to take up golf eventually and I know that somehow my money will eventually end up going to Tiger in some way, so why not Gatorade Tiger? As a proud Irishman (read: booze hound), I constantly search for new ways to avoid hangovers, including various sports drinks, pain relievers, and pre-bed foods. So you can imagine my surprise when I saw three new flavors of Gatorade at my local Shop Rite priced at a wallet-friendly $1.00 for a 32 oz. bottle. Since it was it was a Thursday and I planned on drinking once or twice during the weekend, I purchased all three.
On Friday night, I decided to honor my Irish brothers and my taste buds my consuming a few Guinness bottles. Although I practiced moderation for once while watching the Flyers win a shootout for once, I used this opportunity to try the first of the new flavors: Quiet Storm. While I am not in love with the name, I am with the flavor. A light purple color and a refreshing crisp grape flavor made me realized why Eldridge picked it.Quite an achievement, Eldridge (and by Eldridge I mean those Gatorade science guys). After waking up on Saturday and preparing for a likely night of beer pong, I threw “Cool Fusion” in the fridge. Sometime around 2:00 that morning, I vaguely remember drinking some of it and WOW. The following morning I drank what was left and was shocked at the key lime and lemon flavors. Fruity? Yes, in both ways. Delicious? Absolutely. On Sunday, I cleaned the shed and had “Red Drive”, which is basically “X-Factor” with cherry and citrus flavors and is quite delicious. I was shocked that all 3 flavors were at least at a bare minimum serviceable. Let’s break this SOB done, Ballz D McGillicuty style:
The Good: The flavors. All very refreshing and they contain more electrolytes than regular Gatorade apparently. I don’t know what this means but it has to be good. The flavors range from A+ (Cool Fusion) to C+ ( Quiet Storm). I’d rank “Red Drive” but you’ve had it already, trust me, you’ll like it.
The bottle. I don’t know why, but it just looks clean. I feel regal drinking it, so here’s hoping I get a multi-million dollar deal out of drinking it.
The Bad: The names. All pretty lame. I can picture Eldridge sitting around using the Chappelle’s Show voice, saying things like, “Red Drive, I wear red a lot, I drive the ball well and I have a drive to win…PERFECT!!!” What a f@g. Whatever happened to the days when flavors were fruit punch, lemon lime and blue? Or better yet red,green, and blue? Blue is a flavor right?
The marketing. Just another part of the machine that is Tiger Woods. Putting him on the label is a bad touch, and the whole “formulated for Tiger” thing is BS. Look at the ingredients and nutrition facts. It’s the same stuff. I don’t give a crap if the stuff was made for him as long as it tastes good, which it does.
The Hero: Whoever made the Cool Fusion Key Lime and Lemon flavor. It does the whole Lemon/Lime thing without being redundant. Hands down a top 3 Gatorade flavor to come out in the last 10 years, there I said it.
The Goat: Tiger Woods. As I am writing this, my hatred for him is increasing. I hate how he’s trying to be a tough guy now that he hit the weights a little bit. Come on bro, the best thing you’ve ever done was the Chappelle skit and it wasn’t even you.
The Bottom Line: LoveTron4000 may have been sent back in time to change the future for 17-25 lucky ladies a week, but he can not hate on Gatorade Tiger. Hate the man, for all of your stated reasons, but don’t hate the drink. Don’t pass the haterade, pass me another Hop Devil, and when we are done, we’ll drink some Cool Fusion out of a Trevor Immelman cup.
On Friday night, I decided to honor my Irish brothers and my taste buds my consuming a few Guinness bottles. Although I practiced moderation for once while watching the Flyers win a shootout for once, I used this opportunity to try the first of the new flavors: Quiet Storm. While I am not in love with the name, I am with the flavor. A light purple color and a refreshing crisp grape flavor made me realized why Eldridge picked it.Quite an achievement, Eldridge (and by Eldridge I mean those Gatorade science guys). After waking up on Saturday and preparing for a likely night of beer pong, I threw “Cool Fusion” in the fridge. Sometime around 2:00 that morning, I vaguely remember drinking some of it and WOW. The following morning I drank what was left and was shocked at the key lime and lemon flavors. Fruity? Yes, in both ways. Delicious? Absolutely. On Sunday, I cleaned the shed and had “Red Drive”, which is basically “X-Factor” with cherry and citrus flavors and is quite delicious. I was shocked that all 3 flavors were at least at a bare minimum serviceable. Let’s break this SOB done, Ballz D McGillicuty style:
The Good: The flavors. All very refreshing and they contain more electrolytes than regular Gatorade apparently. I don’t know what this means but it has to be good. The flavors range from A+ (Cool Fusion) to C+ ( Quiet Storm). I’d rank “Red Drive” but you’ve had it already, trust me, you’ll like it.
The bottle. I don’t know why, but it just looks clean. I feel regal drinking it, so here’s hoping I get a multi-million dollar deal out of drinking it.
The Bad: The names. All pretty lame. I can picture Eldridge sitting around using the Chappelle’s Show voice, saying things like, “Red Drive, I wear red a lot, I drive the ball well and I have a drive to win…PERFECT!!!” What a f@g. Whatever happened to the days when flavors were fruit punch, lemon lime and blue? Or better yet red,green, and blue? Blue is a flavor right?
The marketing. Just another part of the machine that is Tiger Woods. Putting him on the label is a bad touch, and the whole “formulated for Tiger” thing is BS. Look at the ingredients and nutrition facts. It’s the same stuff. I don’t give a crap if the stuff was made for him as long as it tastes good, which it does.
The Hero: Whoever made the Cool Fusion Key Lime and Lemon flavor. It does the whole Lemon/Lime thing without being redundant. Hands down a top 3 Gatorade flavor to come out in the last 10 years, there I said it.
The Goat: Tiger Woods. As I am writing this, my hatred for him is increasing. I hate how he’s trying to be a tough guy now that he hit the weights a little bit. Come on bro, the best thing you’ve ever done was the Chappelle skit and it wasn’t even you.
The Bottom Line: LoveTron4000 may have been sent back in time to change the future for 17-25 lucky ladies a week, but he can not hate on Gatorade Tiger. Hate the man, for all of your stated reasons, but don’t hate the drink. Don’t pass the haterade, pass me another Hop Devil, and when we are done, we’ll drink some Cool Fusion out of a Trevor Immelman cup.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
