Phillies Notes: Bill Conlin Writes Poetry, Adam Eaton still Not Very Good at Baseball

If you've been reading this site at all, which you haven't, you know that the Phillies can hit the baseball out of the park just as fast as third world children can make them. (Although, to be fair, the Phillies only have three-plus hours a day to play a baseball game, while those kids get to work about sixteen hours a day. Sounds like an unfair advantage to me).

The rub, to go all Billy Wigglestick on you, is with the pitching. As in, we ain't got it. Oh yeah, we've got some, but not enough to compete. Which, in turn, causes Bill Conlin to write a poem, God bless him.

Eaton Update: Adam Eaton got tuned up yesterday, giving up seven runs over 4 and 2/3 innings. But don't worry, only six were earned. Eaton sounds worried:

"I maybe stayed hard too much with cutters and fastballs," said Eaton, who concluded the spring with a 7.41 ERA, allowing 14 runs over 17 innings. "You have to give them credit. They have a good lineup and they hit some pretty good pitches today."

Athlete Translator: "Dude! 15 million over the next two years! Seriously, who's replacing me? Who? J.D. Durbin? (laughs hysterically) Get that weak sh!@ outta here. (picks up puppy, hurls it against brick wall) I just love hurting defenseless animals. Pitching, that's more like a hobby. Who's got a nudie mag? Eaton needs some alone time."

Curse, or Blessing?

Sports Illustrated season projections are up, and they have the Phillies finishing 5 games behind the Mets, at 86-76.

Let's hope the SI Jinx extends to divison winners, and that somebody learns how to pitch between now and the end of September.

Where is the Outrage?

In case you missed it, the MLB Season opened today...at 6:00 am EST. In Tokyo.

No word yet on how Oakland A's fans feel about having Bud Selig's middle finger shoved in their collective faces. The game was shown at 3:00 am Pacific Time. I'm sure their will be replays of the game avaible, but what the hell? Nobody watches those things. (Remember the Olympics? Yeah, me neither.)

Both teams will return to the US, where they will resume their exhibition schedule until the season really starts next monday.

Nothing says "America's Pastime" like outsourcing the season opener.

Picture found here.

Sweet 16 Conondrum..Cannondrum..Can.,er,..Question

Dan Shanoff ran an interesting column - who would you rather be right now, Duke or Villanova? In other words, regular season success or postseason success? I think it has to be postseason, which means 'Nova.

Of course, I despise Duke, and I'm a huge 'Nova fan. But this is really a dumb question. would you rather win when the games matter most, or barely matter at all except for seeding purposes?

Bill Conlin, Bringing the HEAT

Old man Billy's a bit out of touch, a bit angry, and wildly overpaid, but he can still bring it. A brief memoir about the 1985 Villanova Wildcat Championship team.

Why does this matter at all? Because it's the last championship this city has seen in a major sport above the high school level.

And Now, A Six-Foot Guard from Georgetown...

Allen Iverson will never win an NBA Championship.

Allen Iverson is loved in Philadelphia.

Are these two things separate and distinct?

Allen Iverson is an undersized shooting guard who needs the ball in his hands. His style of play is such that it does not get his teammates involved very often, and results in an offense that doesn't "flow." He's also one of the league's top 50 all time players, and has led that league in scoring several times. But we don't care about any of that.

Allen Iverson gets hit, and gets back up.

Allen Iverson is covered head to toe in ink. Allen Iverson has braids, once recorded a rap album, and has been arrested several times. He's had his domestic disputes sprayed across the tabloids. But we don't care about any of that.

Allen Iverson gets hit, and gets back up.

Philly loves Iverson not because he makes shots, but because he misses them-and takes 20 more. Philly loves Iverson because he single-handedly carried the Sixers to an NBA Finals in 2001-and lost. Philly loves Iverson not because he makes it look easy, but because he makes it look hard. He makes it look like playing the game of basketball is shaving decades off his life span. We do care about that.

This is the City of Brotherly Love, and love demands sacrifice.

Mike Schmidt was seen as an enigma despite his exceptional performance because he made the game look easy. Dr. J played basketball in a manner that was both graceful and charming. Donovan McNabb is misunderstood because he can hurl the football a country mile, outrun a linebacker, and is blessed with wondrous physical gifts. Eric Lindros was kept at a distance, mainly because he was just too good.

Conversely, Jon LeClair was loved because he score 50 goals a year, and they all looked difficult. This city fell in love with a fictional boxer in Rocky, not because he was Italian, not because he was from Philly, but because he wasn't that good. They made a statue of Rocky despite the fact that 1)he's fictional, and 2) he lost the fight. Why?

Because Eric Lindros and I have nothing in common, that's why. There is nothing he can teach me. There is nothing that I can learn about myself from watching him play hockey. Mike Schmidt was born to play third base. Dr. J was born to play basketball. The were freaks of nature, almost a species unto themselves. The game demanded nothing of them.

Philly loves Iverson because he's not 6'6", because he's not Michael Jordan. Iverson is generously listed as 6'0". God did not fashion him to be the next basketball superstar. But a superstar he is, and it is costing him. Night in, night out, he's knocked to the floor, hit in the face, undercut, uppercut, and just plain cut. Philly loves Allen Iverson because he can't play like this forever. He can't keep taking it to the rim, absorbing the punishment, he can't keep cheating these giants, he can't possibly do what what he does.

Philly loves Allen Iverson because he can teach us something.

Iverson can teach us something about heart. Something about perseverance. Something about LIFE. About how life's not about getting knocked down, it's about getting back up. About how desire, grit, and determination can carry you as far as a killer crossover and fade-away. About playing hurt, not only in a game, but in Life.

Iverson can teach us about redemption. About how almost being traded can lead to All-Star game MVPs, League MVPs, and cries of "Where my coach?" He can teach us about loss, like the end of the 2001 Finals, when things hadn't fallen our way. He can teach us that coming from nothin' doesn't mean that you're nobody. He can teach us about beating the odds.

Allen Iverson was a black kid from Hampton, Virginia-but he was one of us. So we loved him. That legacy isn't complicated at all.

Please Recycle - Separate into Glass, Paper, and Hack Columns

The NCAA Tournament must be coming soon-because we have to read about how the freshman aren't freshman any more. Also, the Purdue freshman aren't freshman anymore. I could go on, but you can do a search for "matured a lot" and "really grown up" and "light years ahead of where he was" all by yourself.

I understand that these freshman have now played more than thirty games, and are more experienced than when the season started. 30 games > 0 games. I got it. But they are still freshman. I know this, because that is what their matriculation status is. Corey Fischer is a freshman until he's a sophomore, regardless of how many basketball games he's played this year.

Please, stop printing the same column every year about how this freshman or that freshman has grown up. Just stop. They're still freshman. Hell, some of them will still be freshman next year. A player's class is all about going to class, not the number of basketball games they've played this season.

Phillies 2008 Season Preview

In Expectation of the season to come, all current contributing authors have submitted a Phillies preview. Here it is.

Luis Zendejas I Kick Field Goals

We bought them drinks, massaged their shoulders (especially you Cole), even rubbed their cleatless feet for three consecutive years… only to suffer bullpen dysfunction late in the game, have the door slammed in our collective faces, and slink away dejected, blue-balled and content to pleasure ourselves to men in green. That was until 2007, when the whore that is the New York Mets had too many Apple Martinis (Wright likes his dirty) and left the door slightly ajar. And as everyone knows, you don’t tempt a blue-balled Brett Myers. Just like McLovin’, we hadn’t been laid in 14 years, and we finally stuck it in.

So how do you follow the season in which you finally scored? Probably pretty much like the inevitable, filming-probably-in-progress Superbad sequel – you go to college, the chicks get both hotter and implants (Johan), you ‘re still 135 lbs with spectacles (bullpen), and your friends are still pussies who strike out a lot (Burrell,Howard). Don’t be deterred just yet; there are a few encouraging differences with these 2008 Phillies. Those same pussies that strike out so much sometimes do make contact, there are some bona fide studly men in your troupe, Wes Helms is not going to play nearly as much this season, we were spared Aaron Rowand’s inevitable post-contract-year let-down season, and who cares about Johan Santana? He’s a lefty, and all our power hitters are righties, right?! Wait.

The 2008 Phillies will win more games than they lose thanks to sharing the NL East with some of the biggest nerds in the majors (one of which was essentially castrated in the offseason, thanks Jeff!). But when the going gets tough, the tough see August/September shaping up much like it did last year with one key difference – the Mets will be drinking virgin Apple Martinis this year.

88-74. 2nd place NL East, 2nd place Wild Card.

Lovetron 4000

About two weeks ago, I woke up very early in the morning. Rather than try to go back to sleep, I went downstairs, prepared myself a warm beverage, and walked outside. The sun was just coming up. The sky was cloudy, allowing little fingertips of light to reach down and touch the frosty ground. The first geese were returning from their winter retreat, and I heard them call each other overhead. As I stood there, surrounded by all of Nature's glory, I thought: Dear Lord, the Phillies are going to be terrible this year.

This Phillies team has a made-for-TV set up. We've got the cagey veteran (Moyer), the hothead (Myers), the kid (Kendrick), the All-Star (Hamels), and the washed-up loser (Eaton). We've got ghetto black guys (Rollins) Midwest black guys (Howard) and California White Boys (Utley, Burrell). We've even got a Hawaiian. I feel like I should be able to option this roster to Disney for an afternoon special, maybe even a feature film. Working Title: Batting Gloves Across America (and Possibly the Caribbean).

Unfortunately, the goal in assembling a baseball team is winning games, not the hearts and minds of 10-14 year old girls. Hear that, Chase? In this dimension I like to call reality, there are two halves to every inning. In one of those halves, you're not batting. That means someone has to pitch. For your 2008 Philadelphia Phillies, this is a problem. Our most consistent pitcher, as of right now, is Brett Myers. Which would be fine, if he had ever won more than 15 games in a year, or didn't miss significant time last season, or wasn't converting from being a closer. And that's your Opening Day starter.

Bottom line: There is no one to pitch. Hope is lost.

83-79. 3rd place NL East, 5th place Wild Card

Nobody Puts Baby in the Corner

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Disclaimer for this and all future Villanova Wildcats posts: I am a Villanova alum. These posts will be written from my point of view. Therefore, if the Cats lose, it will undoubtedly be because of a combination of of referee corruption/incompetence combined with their opponent's low admissions standards. That is not a joke. If you're looking for impartial analysis, look elsewhere.

Villanova has been invited to participate in the 2008 NCAA tournament, much to my surprise. The committee was no doubt impressed by the way the young players held their heads high while getting pimp slapped by Georgetown last Thursday.

Villanova next plays Clemson at 9:50 this coming Friday, in a dreaded 5-12 matchup. Clemson looks strong to very strong, but we'll get into that later. Until then, enjoy the Dance!

Phillies Win, Pitching Still Stinks

The Phils beat the Cincinatti Reds yesterday, 10-7. Jamie Moyer got the win, but gave up four earned runs off of four hits in five innings. Tom Gordon pitched a scoreless eighth to lower his spring training ERA to 9.82.

Franscisco Rosario is getting the start today at 1:05pm against the Braves.

This Is What It Sounds Like...When the Doves Cry

Nova got beat down by Gtown 82-63. Our boys in blue were down by 11 headed into halftime, but stormed back after the break to take a brief four-point lead. In typical tournament fashion, however, their energy was quickly expended, and Georgetown won pulling away.

Georgetown also made a Big East tournament record 17 three point shots. Georgetown shot 17-28 for 60.7% from behind the arc, and shot a shade under 55% for the game. In contrast, Villanova shot 33.3% from the floor and behind the arc (so much for consistency). The LVP award has to go to Corey Stokes. The freshman got his first collegiate start yesterday, and responded by going 2-12 from the floor to finish with 8 points in 33 minutes. Corey Fisher played only 8 minutes, but managed to turn the ball over only once while missing a shot, committing a foul, and collecting 2 points.

The turning point in the second half came when Reynolds sustained the above-pictured cut over his right eye. Driving to the basket, he was fouled hard, and was taken to the bench. He eventually required 9 stitches to close the cut, but missed 5 minutes of game time. When he went out, Villanova was down 1; in comes Corey Fisher, who commits a bonehead turnover. By the time Reynolds came back in, the game was all but over.

Shane "Shiz" Clark collected 1 point, commited 2 turnovers and collected 2 fouls while going 0-4 from the floor, including two airballs. Shiz was good last year, I'm almost positive. What happened? If he was a baseball player, everyone would be saying that he stopped taking 'roids.

As a note, Villanova lost today by the exact same score as it won yesterday. Georgetown also beat 'Nova the same way 'Nova beat Syracuse-by shooting a high percentage from 3.

A strong showing yesterday would have gone a long way towards getting a tournament bid, but a 19 point loss can not be considered "a strong showing." Villanova is now most likely on the outside looking in for the NCAAs.

Nova Gets Ready for G-town Today at Noon

Disclaimer for this and all future Villanova Wildcats posts: I am a Villanova alum. These posts will be written from my point of view. Therefore, if the Cats lose, it will undoubtedly be because of a combination of of referee corruption/incompetence combined with their opponent's low admissions standards. That is not a joke. If you're looking for impartial analysis, look elsewhere.

I don't like Georgetown. I never have. This most likely stems back to the 1985 title game ( long before my time) and the general lack of class Georgetown showed in losing one of the greatest games in college basketball history. That game had no bearing on my college decision; I don't think I knew what basketball was at the time.

At the centerpiece of this strong dislike of Georgetown are Coach John Thompson and Patrick Ewing (Note Ewing falling on his butt in the above picture). We'll tackle them one at a time.

Patrick Ewing was known in college as the "Hoya Destroya," which just goes to show that intentionally misspelling words has been cool for a long time. The Hoyas had won the title over the University of Houston in 1984, and were the number one team in the nation in 1985 headed into the NCAA tournament. Villanova, as we now know, won the title game by shooting over 78% from the field.

Ewing showed an amazing lack of class after the title game. He complained for years that "the best team didn't win the game," and refused give Villanova any credit for winning the game. Ewing refused to answer questions about the game for years. Providing further evidence that karma is real, he never won an NBA championship despite being named as one of the Top 50 NBA players of all time, and played on Knicks teams that were perpetual title contenders.

John Thompson Jr (whose son, John Thompson III, currently coaches Georgetown-huzzah for nepotism!) was lauded during his career for his ability to recruit players from inner cities. I think we can all agree that giving impoverished kids a way out of their circumstances is a worthwhile goal of any institution of higher education. Shocker! There's more to the story!

Dubbed the "Idi Amin of college basketball," Thompson was one of the first modern totalitarian-style coaches. Practices were closed. Players were off-limits to the media. Thomspon's players, such as Alonzo Mourning, associated with known drug dealers (a practice which, to his credit, Thompson allegedly put an end to.) John Thompson wore a white towel thrown over his shoulder to constantly remind his players to play with a chip on their shoulder, and convinced them that the rest of the world held them in contempt. "Thompson's greatest success as a coach was his ability to create an "us against them" mentality among his players. Whether he specifically used race as the binding force in this belief is debatable although what certainly is not is the media's perception and perpetuation of the belief that he did. " Thompson resigned in 1999 in a profanity laced tirade. Classy.

At least John Thompson, despite some racially charged motivation tacts, made his players go to class. Patrick Ewing was a professional athlete given millions of dollars, and all he could be was a sourpuss.

What does that have to do with today's game? Very little. Georgetown has superior inside presence, with Hibbert. However, Hibbert continually angers the basketball gods by wearing a Tshirt under his jersey. Georgetown will play a slow, deliberate style of basketball, which will reduce 'Nova's chances for easy baskets in transition. 'Nova has the superior outside shooting. I am concerned that yesterday's strong 3 point shooting will result in 'Nova's players taking too many threes. If they make them, they'll win. If they don't, they won't.

Go Shiz! Go Cats!

Prediction: Nova 59, Gtown 62

Nova Hits Lots of Threes, Beats 'Cuse

Disclaimer for this and all future Villanova Wildcats posts: I am a Villanova alum. These posts will be written from my point of view. Therefore, if the Cats lose, it will undoubtedly be because of a combination of of referee corruption/incompetence combined with their opponent's low admissions standards. That is not a joke. If you're looking for impartial analysis, look elsewhere.

Villanova had a lot of things going against it heading into this game. All of their starters were smaller than all of Syracuse's starters. They were less athletic. They had to go to class. They could read.

This just goes to show that a little hustle and can-do spirit goes a long way. Early in this game, Syracuse had established themselves as more athletic and physical, pounding the ball inside on Villanova's smallish forwards. Villanova countered by shooting lots of threes and actually making them, beating the 'Cuse 83-63.

Villanova made 11 of 20 three pointers, including 8 of 10 in the second half. Shane "Shiz" Clark even got in on the action, scoring 11 points on 4 of 9 shooting in 25 minutes. Syracuse was done in by sloppy play and turnovers, turning the ball over 18 times.

Next up on Villanova's schedule is Georgetown, the number one overall team in the Big East. You may recall that the last time these two teams played, 'Nova got royally jobbed when a foul was called in a tie game with less than a second left, 75 feet away from the basket. Not that I'm holding a grudge or anything.

The general word on the street is that a win over Georgetown, or even a hotly contested loss, gets 'Nova into the tourney. I'd like a win, please, to remove all doubt.

Villanova vs. Syracuse, Noon today. Join Jay Wright in Raising the Roof!

Disclaimer for this and all future Villanova Wildcats posts: I am a Villanova alum. These posts will be written from my point of view. Therefore, if the Cats lose today, it will undoubtedly be because of a combination of of referee corruption/incompetence combined with Syracuse's low admissions standards. That is not a joke. If you're looking for impartial analysis, look elsewhere.

Villanova Men's Basketball Coach Jay Wright has called this "a play-in game for the NCAA tournament." I think that might be a little strong, but it's pretty clear that the loser today is NIT bound.

Syracuse has been hobbled by injuries this season, the most damaging being to Eric Devendorf. Devendorf tore the ACL in his left knee in a mid December game against one of the many joke non-conference opponents Syracuse schedules. (Syracuse somehow has a Strength of Schedule of 7. I'm not buying it. Bobby Abreu also has a Gold Glove.)I'm sure it was worth it for the big 125-75 win over Eastern Tennessee State.

As always, a main concern for Villanova is dealing with any interior or post play, as well as any people who can be considered "tall." This year, the forward combination of Anderson, Pena, Cunningham, and Shane "Shiz" Clark make up a better frontcourt than usual. Freshman Corey Stokes will provide scoring off the bench, Scottie Reynolds will provide shooting from absurdly long distances, and Corey Fisher will provide 5 turnovers and 4-7 ugly floaters in the lane, most of which will miss.

Both Villanova and Syracuse have 19 wins, with a 9-9 Big East record. Syracuse's RPI is 45, and Villanova's is 56. Villanova has four wins agains the top 50, and...did you stop reading this yet? Villanova needs to win today. That's the point.

Flyers lose after leading 3-0 in the Third; Ben Franklin Bridge closed to pedestrian traffic

The Flyers allowed 55 shots on goal last night. Marty Biron stopped 51 of them. It wasn't enough.

The Flyers lead 3-0 heading into the third period, and just got plain outhustled by a hungry Leafs team. Simply put, this is not the play of a team scrapping for that eighth and final playoff spot. I'm too demoralized to write anything more.

Spring Training Blues

Alright, alright, I'm back. After a week of gallivanting, fraternizing and shivering in the abyss of America, otherwise known as Salt Lake City, Utah, I've returned to my east coast roots to find my sports world in disarray. The Eagles made a play to sign Randy Moss...The 76ers had won 4 in a row, 8 straight at home and had climbed to within a game of the 6th seed in the Eastern Conference playoffs...(Yes, this was before last night's shellacking at the hands of the east leading Celtics, but hey, it was the Sixers first sell-out of the season, so all was not lost.) It appears that no Big Five team is likely to make the NCAA tournament without a surprising title run through their respective conference tournament...And the Flyers....well, it's early March, does anyone actually care about hockey? As a side note, does anyone actually care about hockey during any month of the year? I gotta be honest, the Flyers are quickly falling beneath the Soul on my sports-radar. Danny Briere or Tony Grazziani? One looks like a 12 year old girl and is a mediocre hockey player, unless we're talking about NHL '08. The other is a gun slinger with PAC-10, NFL and Arena League experience who makes a mean bowl of rigatoni, has a hairy chest worthy of an Old Spice ad, and turned down a bit part in the Sopranos because his dad "makes Tony Soprano look like George Jetson". Editors Note: The quote, acting role and cooking abilities are all assumptions on the writer's part. But I digress...

Perhaps the biggest surprise of all though was the Phillies. Now I know that spring training doesn't mean much, but hearing the expression, "Let's pull a Kendrick" work its way into local vernacular is a little unsettling. For those who don't make the connection, pulling a Kendrick means getting hammered. Maybe I was the naive one for thinking that the Phillies were going to be even stronger this year and that it would all begin in spring training. That does not appear to be the case though.

Spring training was supposed to be the time which the Phillies would hold open competitions for the 5th starters job and the last arm in the bullpen. Instead, there might as well be auditions for every spot past Brett Myers in the rotation and I've read that So Taguchi is considering a move to the bullpen. I can't help but find myself frustrated at the pure irony of having a pitcher named Outman who couldn't throw a fastball by me.

At this point, I am ending this post b/c my editor is requesting a Phillies preview by day's end and I am on the verge of getting kicked off the blog if I can't meet his expectations.

Eaton Doesn't Want to Say He Told You So, But He Told You So

Phillies SP Adam Eaton, he of the 15.75 ERA and $15 million salary, has been diagnosed with a herniated disc in his lower back and some mild arthritis. He will continue throwing long toss and bullpen sessions in spring training.

Eaton gave no comment as to whether or not the balky back caused him to suck so bad or be such a nancyboy.

In the interest of full disclosure, Cole Hamels has a spring training ERA of 12.60, and Kyle Kenrick currently has an ERA of 16.43. On Buster Olney's blog, he writes, "Talked to several talent evaluators who are unequivocal about what they see in Kendrick right now: He looks terrible, they say. " Nice. Remember people, buy outfield seats. Lots of free baseballs.

Next Stop, Big East Tourney

Villanova dispatched Providence on Saturday evening in a snoozer, 73-63. Villanova now plays Syracuse Wednesday at noon in the first game of the Big East Tournament. (No job? here's the schedule-all the games are on ESPN). The winner of that game gets the pleasure of playing #1 seed Georgetown.

Villanova needs to beat Syracuse to have a chance at making the NCAA tournament, and will most likely need to beat Georgetown as well. It's not looking good for our VU Wildcats. Stewart Mandel at si.com currently has them making the tournament, but he's the only "major" writer to do so.

Note: In the win at Providence, Shane "Shiz" Clark looked terrible, shooting poorly and committing dumb fouls. That's our Shiz!

Down Goes Xavier!

(Disclaimer. I'm an avid Villanova fan. I'm still smarting from the Wildcat's 77-55 loss to St. Joes earlier this year. Villanova is still on the outer bubble with St. Joes at this point, and St. Joes big win over Xavier therefore hurts Villanova's chances of getting an NCAA bid. So my reaction to this win by St. Joes is going to be lukewarm, at best.)

St. Joes beat Xavier last night, 71-66. Xavier was the No. 8 team in the country at the time, and the number one team in the A-10. Now, the average sports fan might think this game is significant, and it is. However, Xavier doesn't deserve to be the No. 8 team in the Country. Why, you ask? Because Xavier plays in the Atlantic 10 conference, and the A-10 sucks a big one.

The A-10 is populated by the following NCAA heavyweights - Temple, UMass, St. Bonaventure, St. Joes, Richmond, La Salle, Charlotte, Rhode Island, Dayton, Saint Louis (the guy, not the town), Duquesne, George Washington, and Fordam. Now, you might say "But wait. Including Xavier, that makes 14 teams. I thought this was called the A-10.?"

You would be correct. There is a very logical explanation: the A-10 is retarded. Some teams, such as Temple, have just enough name recognition to make it seem like a win is significant, hence Xavier's No. 8 ranking. This win by St. Joes shows us not that the Hawks are that good, but that Xavier is that bad.

For comparison, Georgetown is the number one team in the Big East. Georgetown has had to play with the likes of Louisville, UConn, Notre Dame, Marquette, and West Virginia, all likely NCAA tournament teams. Those are the next five in the Big East standings. The next five in the A-10 are Temple, UMass, St. Joes, Charlotte, and Richmond. UMass and Dayton have a shot of making the tourney.

So, in closing; great job, St. Joes. You beat a team that wasn't that good, and had already locked up an NCAA berth and had nothing to play for. You'll forgive me if I'm underwhelmed.

Flyers Fight for the Cure

Last night the Flyers beat the Tampa Bay Lightning 3-2. More importantly, however, Riley Cote beat the tar out of the much larger Andre Roy, who lost his composure. Here are the videos, courtesy of the the 700 level.

Adding to the ambience was that this occurred on MS Awareness Night. Cote's sister has MS, and he was instrumental in getting the Flyers to host this event. His sister was at the game last night, and loves it when Cote fights.

After a first period scuffle ended in a probable split decision for Roy, the two combatants squared off again in the second period. Cote proceeded to throw a left from last Tuesday that caught Roy square, and Roy crumpled to the ice.

Roy spent much of the third period attempting to instigate with Cote, but Cote chose not to fight for fear of getting a penalty late in the game with the Flyers leading by one goal. Wuss.

As a bonus, Cote's listed in three of Newsday's top 10 fights of this year. However, he didn't decisively win any of them (we'll be homers and call his record 0-2-1).

Villanova Beats South Florida, Selection Committee Not Impressed

Last night, Villanova beat USF 72-59 at the Pavilion. While a loss here would have been the certain end of a chance at the NCAA tournament, Villanova most likely has to win at Providence on Saturday and win at least two games in the Big East Tournament, which starts next week in Madison Square Garden.

Villanova is now 18-11, with an 8-9 record in the Big East. Notable was the return from the dead of Shane Clark (15 points) who had disappeared once the conference schedule started. Prior to that, he had been the team's second-leading scorer.

Apparently, Clark's nickname is "Shiz." I'd like to see Dick Vitale work that in to some color commentary. It's the Shiz, baby!

"I'm loving it," Wright gushed. "He's battled through whatever it is. It's just amazing.You could hear our guys going, 'That's our Shiz.' That's what they call him. "

Ooooooooohkay. Let's just leave that one alone. Go Cats!

Eaton Bothered by Back Pain, General Lack of Pitching Ability

It's a funny thing, rooting for a team with Adam Eaton on it. He gets rocked (again) in a meaningless spring training game, but instead of "I didn't bring my best today" or "the old curveball didn't drop today, it's something I have to work on," Eaton treats us to headlines like this:

"Righty Eaton Bothered by Back Pain"

Apparantly Eaton's lower back was bothering him, and he might miss some time. "Obviously, I didn't make good pitches. But at the same time, my back acted up a little bit and I didn't get good extension on anything," Eaton said after giving up four runs in two innings to get his springtime ERA up to a healthy 15.75. Eaton claims that this lower back tightness dates back to last July.

Like clockwork, nothing is Eaton's fault. Springtime ERA of 15.75? He'll say he didn't make good pitches, BUT his back was all ouchy. Drives his car into a bridge abutment? He'll say that, yes, he was nose-deep into his third bag of coke at the time, BUT city planners should really have lighted the streets better. Arrives late to the ballpark? He should have left earlier, BUT the American public should really better utilize the mass transit options available to them, which would decrease road congestion.

Luckily, I have an athlete translator device, and I used it on some soundbytes from Eaton's postgame remarks. Here's what I came up with:

"How'd I pitch today? Who cares? I'm getting more than 15 million dollars for this year and next. That money's guaranteed. So it doesn't really matter how I pitched today. I pitched so good I'm getting 15 million, that's how I pitched today. [Eaton proceeds to urinate on 10 year old boy trying to get Howard's autograph] Yeah, I've got a feeling I'll make the five man rotation."

Ladies and Gentlement, your 2008 Philadelphia Phillies!

Where is the Panic Button? Has Anyone Seen the Panic Button?

Boys of Summer has put together a preview of the Phillies 2008 season, and has them finishing 84-78, out of the playoffs. I have only one problem with this. It's entirely too plausable.

I remain mystified that the local fans have such a laid-back attitude when it comes to the Phils this year. The National League East title is very much up for grabs, despite whatever character flaws we feel the Mets have. I enjoyed their historic choke as much as anyone, but the Phillies are a team that had career years from many offensive players last year and won only 89 games.

The problem is, as always, pitching. Myers has been named opening day starter not because of his talent, but because he's a headcase. Hamels hasn't pitched a full season in the Phillies organization. Kendrick last year pitched well, but most teams had never seen him before. Moyer will be 45 years old this year. Adam Eaton is a terrible pitcher, and most likely a terrible human being--but we're paying him the next two years, so he's going to be on the team in some capacity. The Durbin's aren't fit for much other than long relief.

As for the bullpen, Lidge just had knee surgery, Gordon is pitching with a torn labrum in his shoulder, Madson is coming off a mysterious shoulder "strain" that shut him down for the second half of the season, and JC Romero, well, he was actually pretty good last year. So was Geoff Geary for one year before we gave him a 3 year deal. I'm not convinced.

The Phils' pitching staff is not good enough for them to return to the playoffs again this year. Last year, we had a tremendous confluence of great offense, mediocre pitching, and the greatest choke job in the history of professional sports (non-postseason) which allowed us to get to the playoffs. Two of those three things won't happen again.

What the 2008 Philadelphia Phillies are, dear fans, is the greatest beer league softball team ever assembled. When you go to games this summer, make sure you get outfield seats. They'll be plenty of balls hit there, by both teams.

It's About Time

ESPN's Chris Mortensen is reporting that Brett Favre has retired from the NFL, and informed the Packers. Unfortunately, Mort has not been completely reliable as of late with these type of "Breaking News" stories, so it would be wise to wait for independent confirmation.

Packers fans everywhere will likely be a bit ambivalent about Favre: He's undoubtedly a Hall of Famer, and a very good quarterback. He's also cost the Packers as many big games as he's won with untimely interceptions and bonehead plays. It's also possible that Favre can change his mind before the start of the season, so long as he doesn't file the retirement paperwork with the NFL.

It is surprising that Favre would retire now, consider the Packer's success last season; the season did end in typical Favre-fashion, with Brett throwing a bad interception in overtime to a well covered reciever.

UPDATE: Upon further review, Mort did not really break this story first. It was either Jay Glazer at FoxSports.com or the Biloxi Sun Herald.

Randy Moss prefers Brady's dimples to McNabb's cannon

The Eagles, no doubt heeding my advice, decided to go after Randy Moss before he re-signed with the Patriots. And came up short.

The Eagles reportedly offered Moss more money overall, more money up front, and more money guaranteed than the Patriots. The Eagles did not confirm reports that the daughters of several executives were offered to Mr. Moss as well. Unfortunately, the Eagles did not have what Randy most values in this world - Tom Brady.

Speculation is that Moss didn't wish to leave a good situation, when he spent the prior five years of his career looking for a good situation. The Eagles, despite having both the head coach and quarterback in place since before the beginning of the millenium, do not appear to be the most stable of franchises.

I also believe that Moss didn't wish to trade Boston for Philadelphia overall. Despite winning three Super Bowls recently, Boston remains a baseball town. Who can forget the chants of "Yankees Suck!" after their first Super Bowl? The Patriots function in a vacuum there, with the fans only caring about football as long as the patriots are playing well. Should the Patriots falter early in the season, the end of the baseball season will shield them from criticism, and should they fail in the playoffs, the upcoming spring training will distract the fans.

Should the Patriots implode altogether, their "fans" will go back to forgetting they exist-you know, like before 2001.

In this instance, it sounds like the Eagles gave their all to sign Moss, but Moss simply preferred his overall situation in New England. This does not excuse the failure to secure Moss, however. It merely reinforces the fact that the Birds have become a second-class franchise in the NFL.

Cole Hamels Wants His Ball, Is Going Home

Phillies sometime starting pitcher/dreamboat Cole Hamels isn't happy with the $500,000.00 he's making this year. Hamels, although a promising talent, has yet to pitch a full season as a member of the Phillies organization. He's been plagued by back, hand, and elbow issues throughout his carerr. Inflammation in the left elbow caused him to miss valuable starts during the Phils' stretch run last year in August and September, forcing them to fill in with the likes of J.D. Durbin.

Since Hamels has yet to acrue 3 years of MLB service time, the Phillies were free to renew his contract at any figure above the MLB minimum, which is $390,000.00. Hamels is rumored to have been looking for a figure closer to 750k.

The End is Near

Someday, we'll all recognize this as the beginning of the end.

"At a university lab in a Tokyo suburb, engineering students are wiring a rubbery robot face to simulate six basic expressions: anger, fear, sadness, happiness, surprise and disgust." These robots are being made to handle complex social tasks-- such as taking over the world and exterminating the human race.

Smaller, friendly looking robots are currently being used in hospital waiting rooms, in order to weed out any potential resistors...or show them maps of the facility. But not everyone is going quietly. "It just told us to get out of the way!" huffed wheelchair-bound Hiroshi Asami, 81. "It's a robot. It's the one who should get out my way." Just think about how irritated that man is going to be when he finds out that robots will eventually take over the U.S. defense mainframe in an effort to end life on this planet.

I'd like to buy Hiroshi-san a drink. However, I suspect that he'll soon be dead-- of mysterious robot-related causes. Meanwhile, I'm going to drop off the grid just as soon as I finish this season of Fox's "Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles."

What If...Randy Moss signed with the Eagles?

I'm the first to admit this isn't likely to happen. Once you've got Tom Brady locked down, you don't go leaving. It makes you bitter, and makes everyone re-evaluate what was then discussed as the best period in your career. (for further examples, see Bridget Moynahan. Is she even a movie star? C'mon, "I, Robot" is her best movie. )

Now, McNabb is different than Brady in a variety of ways. Donovan McNabb is not America's sweetheart. He doesn't seem to fit what everyone wants him to be as a quarterback. Unlike Brady, he is "mobile." There are complaints that he doesn't throw a "catchable ball." He has appeared in approximately zero magazine adds with a goat. I don't think he knows how to "smolder." These are significant obstacles to overcome.

However, what McNabb CAN do is throw a pigskin a country mile. This fact is relevant because Randy Moss can outrun a hypercaffeinated gazelle, and outjump... well, he can jump really high, too. In professional football, this translates into scoring many, many points. Scoring is sometimes a problem in the NFL (see Philadelphia Eagles circa 2007).

Randy Moss also brings something to the table that the Eagles haven't had since T.O. left. Some people call it cockiness, some people call it swagger, I call it "talent." You need a guy on the team that will talk some smack, and then actually back it up. You need a guy that the defensive simply cannot ignore. You need a legitimate wide reciever to take some of the pressure off of Brian Westbrook, before he just snaps in offensive meetings and strangles someone.

Now, on the negative side, supposedly Randy Moss doesn't try all the time. He loafs on running plays - no problem, we don't run the ball. He sometimes doesn't sell his routes as hard as he should - no problem, that ball is only going to be catchable about half the time anyway. He is generally agreed upon to be a "bad person" - no problem, Kevin Curtis spends his free time rescuing kittens from trees and feeding the homeless.

Randy Moss has done things no human being has ever done before. He caught 23 touchdowns in a single season. He was expelled from Florida State in the early '90s for drugs. Doesn't that sound like someone you'd want on your team?

Just When All Seemed Right in Clearwater...

The Ryan Howard contract situation now a thing of the past, at least until next year when we'll go through the same seemingly endless string of talk show hosts doing their best to rationalize whether 50 home runs is worth a 3 million dollar bonus or 200 strikeouts is worth a 3 million dollar penalty, it was time to focus on the upcoming season and the Phillies defense of their NL East crown. Normalcy had set in...Howard was busy clubbing tiny rawhide circles into orbit; Pedro Feliz was assuming his role of the greatest Phillies 3B since Dave Hollins; Adam Eaton had settled into a midseason form with two innings of 5 hit, 3 ER ball in his spring debut. All was right with the world.

And then came Sunday and another opportunity for the Phillies organization to take a stride towards rewarding and respecting another cog of their young nucleus. With the smoothness of Dana Jacobsen at Sunday morning mass, the Phillies front office once again stumbled all over each other.

Let's quickly give the lay of the land. In 2007, lefty Cole Hamels developed into the ace of the Phils pitching staff. A 15-5 record, an all-star appearance, 177 strikeouts in 183 innings and better then a 4-1 strikeout to walk ratio. All of this achieved for the bargain basement price of $400,000. Hamels, however, has only 2 years of MLB service time. Therefore, the following rule is in effect regarding their salary for their 3rd year: "When players with less than three years of service can't agree [on a contract with the team], the team can 'renew' a contract at any salary, as long as the player earns at least the minimum and isn't reduced by more than 20 percent."

Now this is important to know because it does, without a doubt, demonstrate that the Phillies were well within their right to do what they did to Hamels on Sunday, the same way they did this to Howard prior to the start of last season. Hamels had asked for $750,000 for 2008. The Phillies maxed their offer out at $500,000. This is where things got a little dicey.

Hamels called the offer a "low-blow". I would tend to agree with Cole. In all honesty, what harm would it have done for the Phils to show a little love and pony up the extra 250K? This is a team whose payroll is going to come close to 110 million dollars this season. $250K is a pittance. The sheer value of the good faith that giving Hamels the extra quarter-mil would have generated greatly outweighs the actual dollar value. "I didn't have a million dollars in my mind. I put a number out there thinking that would be really good, and they came nowhere near it," said Hamels.

The Phillies haven't had a legitimate stud starting pitcher since Curt Schilling left town for multiple word series rings, leaving the corpses of Travis Lee, Nelson Figeroua and Vincente Padillia in his wake. Now, right in their lap, sits the anchor of the staff that they so desperately need. All that stands in the way of paving the road towards a long-term deal with Hamels was $250K.

After Hamels voiced his displeasure and disappointment and hinted strongly that this could harm the chances of reaching a long-term contract in the future, some reporters took this info to GM Pat Gillick and informed him that Hamels might hold a grudge because of this decision. Gillick's reply? "Let him do it."

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the essence of, You CAN Lose Them All.