A drink that earns it's stripes

As an avid fan (one of 5) of the http://www.youcanlosethemall.blogspot.com/ blog page, I find myself agreeing with almost every blog I read from my three anonymous friends who use the page as an outlet for their frustrations, thoughts and happiness. I do take issue with the “haterade” given to “Gatorade Tiger” however. Tiger Woods make me sick and I hate him for obvious reasons. I plan to take up golf eventually and I know that somehow my money will eventually end up going to Tiger in some way, so why not Gatorade Tiger? As a proud Irishman (read: booze hound), I constantly search for new ways to avoid hangovers, including various sports drinks, pain relievers, and pre-bed foods. So you can imagine my surprise when I saw three new flavors of Gatorade at my local Shop Rite priced at a wallet-friendly $1.00 for a 32 oz. bottle. Since it was it was a Thursday and I planned on drinking once or twice during the weekend, I purchased all three.
On Friday night, I decided to honor my Irish brothers and my taste buds my consuming a few Guinness bottles. Although I practiced moderation for once while watching the Flyers win a shootout for once, I used this opportunity to try the first of the new flavors: Quiet Storm. While I am not in love with the name, I am with the flavor. A light purple color and a refreshing crisp grape flavor made me realized why Eldridge picked it.Quite an achievement, Eldridge (and by Eldridge I mean those Gatorade science guys). After waking up on Saturday and preparing for a likely night of beer pong, I threw “Cool Fusion” in the fridge. Sometime around 2:00 that morning, I vaguely remember drinking some of it and WOW. The following morning I drank what was left and was shocked at the key lime and lemon flavors. Fruity? Yes, in both ways. Delicious? Absolutely. On Sunday, I cleaned the shed and had “Red Drive”, which is basically “X-Factor” with cherry and citrus flavors and is quite delicious. I was shocked that all 3 flavors were at least at a bare minimum serviceable. Let’s break this SOB done, Ballz D McGillicuty style:
The Good: The flavors. All very refreshing and they contain more electrolytes than regular Gatorade apparently. I don’t know what this means but it has to be good. The flavors range from A+ (Cool Fusion) to C+ ( Quiet Storm). I’d rank “Red Drive” but you’ve had it already, trust me, you’ll like it.
The bottle. I don’t know why, but it just looks clean. I feel regal drinking it, so here’s hoping I get a multi-million dollar deal out of drinking it.
The Bad: The names. All pretty lame. I can picture Eldridge sitting around using the Chappelle’s Show voice, saying things like, “Red Drive, I wear red a lot, I drive the ball well and I have a drive to win…PERFECT!!!” What a f@g. Whatever happened to the days when flavors were fruit punch, lemon lime and blue? Or better yet red,green, and blue? Blue is a flavor right?
The marketing. Just another part of the machine that is Tiger Woods. Putting him on the label is a bad touch, and the whole “formulated for Tiger” thing is BS. Look at the ingredients and nutrition facts. It’s the same stuff. I don’t give a crap if the stuff was made for him as long as it tastes good, which it does.
The Hero: Whoever made the Cool Fusion Key Lime and Lemon flavor. It does the whole Lemon/Lime thing without being redundant. Hands down a top 3 Gatorade flavor to come out in the last 10 years, there I said it.
The Goat: Tiger Woods. As I am writing this, my hatred for him is increasing. I hate how he’s trying to be a tough guy now that he hit the weights a little bit. Come on bro, the best thing you’ve ever done was the Chappelle skit and it wasn’t even you.
The Bottom Line: LoveTron4000 may have been sent back in time to change the future for 17-25 lucky ladies a week, but he can not hate on Gatorade Tiger. Hate the man, for all of your stated reasons, but don’t hate the drink. Don’t pass the haterade, pass me another Hop Devil, and when we are done, we’ll drink some Cool Fusion out of a Trevor Immelman cup.

Phillies Recap: Astros 2 Phillies 1

In an effort to bring you the most extensive Phils coverage, the effervescent Phillies Superfan Ballz D. McGuillicuty will be providing you with his insights after every Phils game. Hold onto your butts.

The Good:
Kyle Kendrick: Gonna be a short list of the good today but KK leads the list. Bouncing back from that horrendous effort against the Mets last time out, Kendrick looked solid in 7 strong. Even the ball the Bourn hit out was a good pitch. Only a 10-6 ground ball to fly ball ratio so the sinker wasn't at its peak, but solid enough. Another wasted outing from the starting staff.

Duration of Game: A crisp two hours and seventeen minutes. Easier to rebut the fiance's playful jab of, 'Oh good, I was hoping we'd get to watch baseball again tonight.' Ineptitude at least has some redeeming quality.

The Bad:
The Offense: Some days you just tip your cap to the opponent and I'll do that today to Roy Oswalt. He had nasty stuff working last night. We're talking frat party porno nasty. Anyone else see the curve he struck Burrell out on? Pat actually laughed in disbelief after missing it. It was that good. But...but...in the 8th and 9th innings, with Oswalt out of the game, the 'Stros called upon two relievers, one of a Rule 5 draftee, pitching his 3rd major league inning; the other, a 40 year old journeyman. Both throwing primarily fastballs. Wesley Wright did nothing other then strike out the side. Feliz, Utley, Howard. The last of those K's more predictable then the plot of The Devil's Advocate. Doug Brocail then mopped up, notching 2 strikeouts of his own. Note to Greg Dobbs: Stand closer to the plate!

The Hero:
Toss-up. Oswalt was great, but I'll go with Bourn. Responsible for both Houston runs including a surprising home run that wound up being the difference.

The Goat:
The offense, as a whole. This level of futility is inexcusable for this lineup, even without Rollins.

The Bottom Line:
Couple of quick thoughts. For the love of God, put Rollins on the DL. Two nights ago when he pinch hit, he almost collapsed after one of his swings. Last night, after getting a pinch hit single, they needed to run for him with Taguchi. The Phillies continue to play all of these close games and do so one man short on the bench. And every time they pinch hit with Rollins, that's just one more day we can't retro activate his DL stint.

And time to mention one of my favorite whipping boys here in the early going. Carlos Ruiz is hitting .186 with 0 HR's a two extra base hits in 43 AB. Chris Coste is hitting .267 with 1 HR and 3 extra base hits, in 28 fewer AB's. Coste has a career average of over 50 points higher then Ruiz, both with about 1 full season worth of AB under their belts. I understand Ruiz is the future and Coste is already long in the tooth. But can't we at least give Coste 2 out of every 5 games instead of 1?

Not a ton of insights today, but the game last night was pretty uneventful. Prediction for today, day game: Phillies 6 Astros 4 Chase Utley goes yard today...I have a feeling.

Pass the Haterade on...Tiger Woods

I can't stand Tiger Woods. I have no idea how this started. I should like Tiger Woods for the following reasons: 1)He's quite possibly the best ever at his chosen field, 2)He carries himself the right way, never getting into trouble or airing his personal life in the media, 3) Did I mention he's very good?

Instead, I can't stand him.

This began a long time before Gatorade Tiger (which I hate, of course). I can't really pinpoint the exact moment at which I began to dislike him. Let's just run down things I don't like about Tiger:

1)He plays golf. Golf is for fairies and old people. Despite being in neither of these demographics, I'm going to start playing golf soon. And I imagine that I'll dislike him even more then, just for being really good at a sport I suck at.

2)Golf is pretty much the most hypocritcal sport ever. It's a game of gentlemen, so long as you're a man, and not Catholic, Jewish, Black, Indian, American Indian, South American, Muslim or female, to name a few. As much as I love the creation of an ethnically delineated perpetual underclass, no thanks.

3) Tiger is a hypocrite. Or, as one guy in my office likes to say "He's a prick. He cries all the time about people denting the greens by leaning on their putters to pick their balls up, and then he leans on his putter to pick up his ball. He's a prick."

4)OVERSATURATION by the Media. For instance, who won the Masters last weekend. I don't know, but I know Tiger came in second. (Trevor Immelman won, apparently.) What I got from the various sports outlets was "Tiger Tiger Tiger Tiger Masters History Green Jacket Tiger Tiger Tiger." Shut up already.

5)It's hard to root for someone who bought their spouse a 22 million dollar yacht as a wedding present. When my buddy got married, a bunch of guys chipped in and got him surround sound speakers. Bit of a disconnect there.

6) Tiger has a Caddy who's his henchman. "An evil henchman?" you ask-- Um, yes.

7) He cries when people make noise while he's playing. Video here. Here's a quote from the golfing Jesus: ''The next time a photographer shoots an [expletive] picture,'' Woods warned, "I'm going to break his [expletive] neck.'' Sure you are, tough guy. Except, out here in what I like to call gen-pop, you're not breaking anyone's neck. You're a golfer. We're not all built like Jim Nantz.

8) He's a cheater. And by "cheater" I mean a narcissistic egomaniac, who assumes the rules only apply to others and not to him. In the 1999 Phoenix Open, he had some people move a boulder out of his way so that he could have a chance at birdie-ing the hole. Even if you don't agree with the "narcissistic egomaniac" tag, it's tough to defend that manuever in this "game of gentlemen."

9)"Tiger" is a nickname. You're over 30. Give it up. This goes for you too, Chipper Jones.

10) The latest which gave rise to this post, is this article on ESPN.com in which Tiger's having knee surgery for a problem he had before the Masters. Not that it's why he lost, but its been bothering him. Everybody could see that. Not that it's an excuse or anything. Really.

I think that about covers it. I'm aware that Tiger's not at fault for the nature of his sport, but that doesn't change my emotional reaction to it. Finally, Tiger has been reared from the age of two or three to play golf, and that's all. The fact that he's very good at golf shouldn't shock anyone.

In Conclusion, Pass the Haterade.

You Want Me On That Wall. You NEED Me On That Wall

This is what the NHL had in mind when they changed the rules of the game three years back (oops-did I say "change the rules?" I meant, "call a tighter game,"). This playoff game did not devolve into clutching and grabbing, instead taking shape as an electric back and forth between two teams playing with speed and skill. The fact that both goalies were mediocre only made the game more exciting. The fact that the Flyers won, 6-3, didn't hurt.

Thumbs up: For Danny Briere. I, of course, had him labeled as a "bust" prior to the playoffs. He didn't look fast, he didn't play with precision, and he looks like he's about 12. He now has four goals in three games. Mea Culpa.

Thumbs down: For Brooks Laich, who cross checked Timonen into the Capitals goal behind the play. It was unnecessary, stupid, and dirty. Timonen is now listed as "day-to-day" with an "upper body injury." In hockey terms, he's out for at least a week with a separated shoulder. Here's hoping that the Flyers go up 3 games to 1 and someone on the Flyers tries to impress upon Mssr. Laich the gravity of his actions. We don't take kindly to that nonsense around here, Mr. Laich.

Suggestive Quote of the Game: "Danny had a twinkle in his eye tonight."-- Flyers coach John Stevens. I guess Briere's had a little one-on-one instruction with the coach.

Phillies Recap: Phillies 4 Astros 3

In an effort to bring you the most extensive Phils coverage, the effervescent Phillies Superfan Ballz D. McGuillicuty will be providing you with his insights after every Phils game. Hold onto your butts.

The Good:
Adam Eaton: Anyone else feel like the Phillies offense is giving Eaton the finger for his awful season last year? Three straight quality starts and not a thing to show for it. I've said it before and I'll say it again. If you tell me before any game that he pitches that I could have Eaton toss 6 innings and give up 3 ER or just take my chances, I'll grab the quality start every time.

Pat Burrell: Maybe Manuel's starting to come around on the idea of not taking Pat out of games in the 6th inning. Slow start for Burrell last night but the end surely made up for it. That ball was a missile.

Pedro Feliz: 3 hits last night including the game winner. Yeah, he still doesn't take many pitches, but to this point, he has more hits then any Phillie other then Burrell and Utley and he's sporting a 7:1 AB to K ratio, paired with playing a dependable 3B.

The Bad:
Ryan Howard: Nice defensive play in the 9th aside, the big man is still struggling mightily at the dish. 0-3 yesterday with 2 more strikeouts, both vs fastball throwing righties, dropping his average to a hearty .180. For those keeping track at home, Howard now has 19K's and 20 total bases this season. Everyone else in the lineup, even Chris Snelling, was able to smoke the ball off Valverde. Well, almost everyone else...

Geoff Jenkins: Two days of posts, 2 days of negative Geoff comments. Not a good trend. Only Jenkers could score the winning run in the bottom of the 9th and find himself in this position of the column. 0-4, with two punch-outs. Let's review his 9th inning resume from last night. Strikes out. Gets lucky enough that catcher misses the ball and he winds up on first. Runs through coach's stop sign (granted, I think Smith should've sent him, but if you're players aren't going to listen to your coaches, what does that say?). Gets thrown out at home plate but must have been wearing his lucky undies because apparently MLB told the umpires to give the Phils one after the bad DeRosa call from Sunday. Jenkins is a lucky man. (see picture at left for further evidence)

The Batting Order: Um...Just days after I wrote off Charlie's insertion of Jenkins into the leadoff spot as a moment of lineup shuffling weakness, he plugs Carlos Ruiz in at the two hole? Do you know that if Carlos Ruiz comes up where the possibility of grounding into a double play exists, he'll do just that 1/3 of the time? Look it up. It's true. Not exactly the guy you want hitting 2nd. And yes, he bounced into a twin killing after a leadoff single late in the game yesterday. Gotta love Ruiz's speed out of the 2 hole too. I'd rather see, gulp, Bruntlett in that spot then Carlos. Or here's a crazy idea. How about moving Utley to 2nd, Burrell to 3 and then everyone else shifts up one spot. Worried about Jenkins not providing enough protection for Howard? Who cares? He's not even hitting the good pitches right now, so what's it matter. This move would not only break up Utely and Howard, thus thwarting the never-ending stream of lefties that teams roll out late in games to face these guys, but it also moves Burrell, your hottest hitter, up in the lineup.

The Hero:
Tough call here but I'm gonna go with Burrell. Feliz may have had the game winning hit, but if he makes an out, the game goes on. If Burrell made an out, they never are even in the position for Feliz to win it. Bonus points for the opposite field bomb as well.

The Goat:
Not so difficult here; Jose Valverde. Some want to blame Cecil Cooper for taking Chacon out of a game where he was tossing a shut out but the guy had thrown 109 pitches. That's a lot, especially when he had the top of the order to deal with in the ninth. Valverde simply imploded. No idea why he kept pumping fastballs in when his splitter appeared much more effective but I thank him for that decision.

The Bottom Line:
Here's an interesting stat that I dug up this morning. The Phillies have played 14 games so far this season. Only 4 times have they entered the 6th inning with more then 2 runs on the board. 5 times they have pushed into the 6th frame with a goose egg. The Phils record in those 4 games that the have recorded early inning tallies? 4-0. 3-7 in all others. Late inning rallies are exciting, but you can't keep counting on them. The offense needs to get going earlier in games. Rollins being out certainly hasn't helped matters, but we're talking 2 times through the lineup here. Everyone's at fault. Prediction for tonight: Oswalt's been bad so far this season but I think he rights the ship tonight. Nothing soothes what ails you like Kyle Kendrick as your opponent. Astros 7 Phils 3

Phils Recap: Cubs 6 Phils 5

In an effort to bring you the most extensive Phils coverage, the effervescent Phillies Superfan Ballz D. McGuillicuty will be providing you with his insights after every Phils game. Hold onto your butts.

The Good:

• Here's the stat line: CF, 2-4, 1 BB, 1 HR, 2 R, 2 RBI, 2 SB. You think Shane Victorino? Nope. Try Jayson Werth. Werth, formerly known as Werthless, has been money here in the early going, hitting .421 in limited action. I think Victorino's injury is a blessing in disguise. It'll give us a chance to see if this guy is for real and it removes Mr. I swing at every first pitch ever thrown from the lineup for a couple of weeks.

• J.C. Romero continues to be dominant and would've saved the Phils from another Tom Gordon nightmare had it not been for a lucky check-swing single through a drawn in in-field.

• Brad Lidge and his slider were simply filthy. If only we had the lead when he came in...

The Bad:

• I am going to try to do my best to prevent from ever using this space to bash an umpire, but this game does warrant it. The fact that the 3B ump got the DeRosa HR call wrong was not nearly as infuriating as his defiance that he may have seen things incorrectly. At least, Charlie Manuel's fine should be waved. It won't be, but it should.

• Jimy Williams, taking over for the ejected Manuel, decided to twice try and bunt with players who have no idea how to bunt. I know we would all like to think that major league ball players making zillions of dollars each year should be able to bunt. But they can't. The same reason that Shaq can't make free throws. It's just not doable for them. Yet, despite the ineffectiveness of Werth to get a bunt down in the bottom of the 8th innning, Jim-ee decided to try it again with Pedro Feliz in the bottom of the 9th. The only difference here, besides that this awfully overrated tactic (see Moneyball) had just failed the inning prior, is that the batters following Feliz who would be charged with getting the winning run home were a pinch hitter and everyone's favorite backup shortstop, Bruntty.

• Tom Gordon; Still sucks. On a side note, I believe the novel, The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon, was secretly about a Mets fan.

• Men left on base. 15. 15! Mother f'in 15!!! I mean, seriously? 15? Why do we only hit homeruns when no one is on base and why do we only hit ground balls to the shortstop when the based are loaded.

The Hero:

Derek Lee. Had a good day at the plate and saved the game in the bottom of the ninth inning with his glove. If only there was some way to morph Rico Brogna's defensive ability and Ryan Howard's bat into one super first baseman....oh wait, there is...Albert Pujols.

The Goat:

I hate to do this seeing that this is the first official recap post, but is has to go to Utley. Again, there is no certainty that the Phils would've won had he not thrown the ball away in the top of the 10th, but the Cubs had already wasted their only 3 bullpen arms worth anything and they were out of position players. The odds were in the Phils favor. And remember, the guy running down the first base line was Carlos Zambrano, not exactly a cheetah.

The Bottom Line:
Had to expect a loss after reeling off wins in the first two games of the series. However, as the weather warms up, if you'd give me Jamie Moyer going 5 and giving up 4 earned, I'd take it every time out. Despite all the LOB's, I think the offense is starting to pick things up a little. And 2-3 in 5 games without Rollins isn't the end of the world. Prediction for upcoming series vs Astros: Phils take 2 of 3.

It Pays to Actually Play in Third Period

Nobody ever had to tell Rambo to finish games strong. Just saying.

Much like Game 1 of the Flyers-Capitals series, the Flyers held a 2 goal lead in game 2. This time, they didn't give it back.

The Flyers went up 2-0 with about five minutes to go in the second period. They then basically played a penalty-kill for the remainder of the game, constantly dumping the puck and getting back on defense.

Patrick Thorensen remained out with what's been termed a "groin injury." As you might recall, Patrick blocked a slapshot with little Patrick in Game 1. Or technically, Little Patrick's nuts. (Warning: Link not for the weak or heart, or stomach).

The series is now all tied at 1-1, with game 3 to be played in Philly Tuesday at 7:00.