If you've been reading this site at all, which you haven't, you know that the Phillies can hit the baseball out of the park just as fast as third world children can make them. (Although, to be fair, the Phillies only have three-plus hours a day to play a baseball game, while those kids get to work about sixteen hours a day. Sounds like an unfair advantage to me).
The rub, to go all Billy Wigglestick on you, is with the pitching. As in, we ain't got it. Oh yeah, we've got some, but not enough to compete. Which, in turn, causes Bill Conlin to write a poem, God bless him.
Eaton Update: Adam Eaton got tuned up yesterday, giving up seven runs over 4 and 2/3 innings. But don't worry, only six were earned. Eaton sounds worried:
"I maybe stayed hard too much with cutters and fastballs," said Eaton, who concluded the spring with a 7.41 ERA, allowing 14 runs over 17 innings. "You have to give them credit. They have a good lineup and they hit some pretty good pitches today."
Athlete Translator: "Dude! 15 million over the next two years! Seriously, who's replacing me? Who? J.D. Durbin? (laughs hysterically) Get that weak sh!@ outta here. (picks up puppy, hurls it against brick wall) I just love hurting defenseless animals. Pitching, that's more like a hobby. Who's got a nudie mag? Eaton needs some alone time."
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