Ed Wade Talks Tough, Gets Thrown Down by the Neck Like Little Girl

This man is Shawn Chacon (shuh-cone). He's a journey, having bounced around to several different organizations after having the best season of his career with the yankees in 2005. He has not pitched well this season, getting bumped from the Astros rotation to the bullpen.

Ed Wade is the current GM of the Astros; he was the GM of the Phils prior to Mr. Gillick. Also, although this may not be relevant, no one likes him.

Wade demanded a word with Chacon while Chacon was eating. Chacon did not like this, so he grabbed Wade by the neck and threw him on the ground.

"I sat down to eat and Ed Wade came to me and very sternly said, 'You need to come with me to the office,'" Chacon said. "I said, 'For what?' I said, 'I don't want to go to the office with you and Cooper.' And I said, 'You can tell me whatever you got to tell me right here.' He's like, 'Oh, you want me to tell you right here?' And I said, 'Yeah.' I'm not yelling. I'm calm."

"He started yelling and cussing," Chacon said of Wade, according to a story on the Chronicle's Web site. "I'm sitting there and I said to him very calmly, 'Ed, you need to stop yelling at me.' Then I stood up and said, 'You better stop yelling at me.' I stood up. He continued and was basically yelling. So at that point I lost my cool and I grabbed him by the neck and threw him to the ground. I jumped on top of him," he said. "Words were exchanged."

Apparently, Chacon was about to be cut, demoted, or in some other way no longer part of the Astros.

Good old Ed Wade. He can always talk tough with scrub guys who are about to be demoted. To me, this reeks of an uptight executive guy who felt like he finally got a chance to take out some angst against an athlete, and tried to play it tough. Don't forget, this is the same Ed Wade that bent over for every demand any Phillies player ever made, to the detriment of the team. I'm thinking of the Schilling and Rolen trades, and all those no-trade clauses Wade agreed to.

I know I'm supposed to be appalled by this incident, but I can't help but laugh a little. Turns out, when you try to talk sh*t, sometimes people want you to back it up. Ed Wade backs it up...from his back. How's that working out for you, Ed?

Kyle Kendrick - Man's Man, Man About Town

Who knew that Kyle Kendrick could be the stopper? The phils wunderkind pitched 8 shutout innings on the way to a 4-0 phils victory.

Kendrick did well against lefties, who had been hitting over .300 against him for the season. When asked about his different approach, he said

"Approach? You know how I'm differing my approach? I'm coming at them from behind."

Kendrick then proceeded to stick his tongue out and make odd air humping gestures. When asked if he's developing any new pitches to deal with lefties, he said

"Yeah, I'm developing things. I'm working on developing a second little Kyle, so I can bang two broads at once. Otherwise, I'm not going to be able to mow down all this prime West Coast tail before we leave tomorrow."

Quick Gavin Floyd Update

He's now 8-3 with a 3.19 ERA in 14 starts. That ERA is better than, you guessed it, every single Phillies Starter, Hamels included.

So much for regressing to the mean.

In other news, Freddy Garcia is still injured, though he looks to begin his comeback attempt from shoulder surgery soon.

This Just In: Charlie Manuel and Jerry Manuel Not Related

We were this close, people. After Mets interim manager Jerry Manuel had finished wiping off his knife from stabbing Willie Randolph in the back, we were going to have an NL East Rivalry with family connections.

Uncle Chuck, as Charlie Manuel is affectionately known, is all down home catfishing knowledge, even with his occasional lapse in, well, actually managing a baseball team. Could we, the fans hope for a second Manuel in the NL East?

I envisioned post-game press conferences filled with references to cornbread and barbecued meats. Not a single question would be substantively answered. Botched hit-and-run? Tobacco cutting reference. Bad substitution? Discussion of Sherman's March to the Sea. Starting pitcher lit up? Comment on stewing alligators.

We were this close.

Turns out, they're, uh, not related.

Brett Myers is Not Good at Baseball

Brett Myers is an emotional baseball player. Likewise, he inspires emotion from Phillies fans, sometimes non-positive emotions. So let's see if we can separate the fact from fiction. We are all rational human beings, are we not?

Statement: Brett Myers is not living up to expectations.

Verdict: FACT. Brett Myers really hasn't been a good starting pitcher since the 2006 season, when he went 12-7 in 31 starts with a 3.91 ERA. His career ERA is 4.42, with his career ERA+ being 99. Again "average" ERA+ is 100. So, for someone who was supposed to be the next Phillies Ace, being a tick below average means you're not meeting expectations.

Statement: Brett Myers is better suited to the bullpen than to starting.

Verdict: FACT(so far), although a half season's worth of data isn't always reliable, as we learned by watching the career of Mr. Randy Wolf. Last year, as a reliever, Mr. Myers had 21 saves and a 2.98 ERA as a reliever. This year, as a starter, he's 3-8 in 14 games with a 5.34 ERA. His ERA+? 82. He's God-awful. He leads the league in earned runs allowed and home runs allowed. He's terrible.

Statement: Brett Myers is a jerk.

Verdict: FACT. In June of 2006, Brett Myers assaulted his wife in Boston. He subsequently became the topic of this Onion article, and people pretty much forgot. His wife later requested that the charges be dropped, although she never disputed the facts of the case. That's enough for me.

He also later called a reporter "retarded" after blowing a save last year, and had to be restrained by Pat Burrell. Presumably, he would have attempted to punch the gentleman in the face and pull his hair.

Statement: Brett Myers is the worst starting pitcher on the team.

Verdict: FACT. ERAs and ERA+ below:

Cole Hamels........3.36(130)

Jamie Moyer.......4.56(96)

Kyle Kendrick.....4.87(89)

Adam Eaton.........4.62(94)

Brett Myers..........5.34(82)

Wow. Bad pitcher. Jerk. Why is he still on the team?

Chase Utley: Hero, Baseball Savant....Awkward Man-Crush?

Recent recipient of the NL player of the week award. Current front-runner for NL MVP. Hitting .325/21/53. Has hit homeruns in five consecutive games twice this season. Has upgraded his defensive skills at second base to the upper echelon of the major leagues.

I totally think we could be friends. Not "special" friends, you know, 'cuz that would be gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Similarly, it's not gay to mention that Chase Utley is one damn fine looking man. Even my grandmother agrees. (She says he looks "sharp," or "he's a nice lookin fella," but you get the point).

Not that I've ever been close enough to him to tell, but I'd bet he has very soulful eyes. I bet he's very deep, cares about the environment, and would educate me on the mating habits of various endangered species. A little owl or something, not one of those gross animals.

I bet we even like the same movies.

Oh, and he's cemented his roles as the number 3 hitter on a team that relies heavily on its offense, when the cleanup hitter isn't playing well. (I'm being nice, Chase thinks anger is ugly). Also, there's only one starting pitcher with an ERA that doesn't approach 5, so he's got to come through. He performs under pressure.

So, just for the record, if Utley asks you to go see a movie, like 27 dresses or something, would you go? You know, just the two of you, in that dark theater? I think you would. Not that anything would happen...the first time anyway. You've got class.

Gavin Floyd Update

You know it happens: You're dating a nice girl who could lose about 15 pounds. You break it off to go after some fine Portugese tail on that "business trip" you're taking to South Padre Island. She gets mad, hits the gym, and suddenly looks like a Centerfold.

You tell yourself that there's no way she can keep this up, that she'll "regress to the mean," that she'll put that 15 pounds right back on in six months when the Holloween candy comes out. You sit back and wait. And wait. And wait.

Since our last posting re: Mssr. Floyd, after his near-no hitter, he's progressed slightly back to the mean. Gavin is now 5-3 with a 3.22 ERA, which would make him...wait for it...the best Phillies starting pitcher.

Eaton........4.99
Hamels......3.73
Kendrick.....5.00
Moyer........4.65
Myers..........5.52

Floyd's ERA+ is 134. For those of you unfamiliar with crazy stats, it measures how much better Floyd is from the rest of baseball. Average ERA+ is 100. It's also park-adjusted, meaning that it's supposed to take into account where these games were played, in order to reduce what I like to call "The Chan Ho Park Effect." Floyd is currently 11th in the AL in this stat.

For contrast, Freddy Garcia is not on these lists, since he's still recovering from shoulder surgery. Also, those numbers would be good for eighth in the NL.

But don't worry, Phillies starting pitchers are at the top of the leaderboards in other areas. For instance, Brett Myers is second in earned runs allowed with 45(!). He's also tied for third in losses. He's allowed 15 home runs and 88 hits. AWESOME! Opening day starter anyone?

In non-sarcastic news, Hamels is pretty much at the top in all good categories, such as WHIP, etc. Moyer doesn't walk anybody. So we've got that going for us, which is nice.