Recent recipient of the NL player of the week award. Current front-runner for NL MVP. Hitting .325/21/53. Has hit homeruns in five consecutive games twice this season. Has upgraded his defensive skills at second base to the upper echelon of the major leagues.
I totally think we could be friends. Not "special" friends, you know, 'cuz that would be gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Similarly, it's not gay to mention that Chase Utley is one damn fine looking man. Even my grandmother agrees. (She says he looks "sharp," or "he's a nice lookin fella," but you get the point).
Not that I've ever been close enough to him to tell, but I'd bet he has very soulful eyes. I bet he's very deep, cares about the environment, and would educate me on the mating habits of various endangered species. A little owl or something, not one of those gross animals.
I bet we even like the same movies.
Oh, and he's cemented his roles as the number 3 hitter on a team that relies heavily on its offense, when the cleanup hitter isn't playing well. (I'm being nice, Chase thinks anger is ugly). Also, there's only one starting pitcher with an ERA that doesn't approach 5, so he's got to come through. He performs under pressure.
So, just for the record, if Utley asks you to go see a movie, like 27 dresses or something, would you go? You know, just the two of you, in that dark theater? I think you would. Not that anything would happen...the first time anyway. You've got class.
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